Celtic Diary Monday January 28: Rumour Mill Re-Opens

Oh, there’s some tittle tattle flying around again, as you would expect with the transfer window about to reach the period known as “Peak Bollocks “, but its worth running through whats going on, what isn’t going on and what some wish hadn’t gone on.

Maryan Shved, of Karpaty Lvov, looks set to join Celtic this week, subject to a monopolies commission decision surrounding Celtics bid to acquire all the available wingers in Europe.

Futbolgrad have done a pretty in depth biography of the player, but due to technical issues with this website I cannot provide a link. It’s too long to copy and paste but if you google him and Futbolgrad you should be able to find it.

Having read it, this looks like a player, and the new look Celtic forward line for the Champions League qualifiers may well be complete.

What about defenders ?

Scott McKenna is still the only name mentioned by anyone who would know about these things, and therefore as long as Aberdeen get a replacement, I’d still expect to see him link up with his old pal Ryan Christie at Celtic.

Though if the Shved and Bayo deals tell us anything, its that no one at Celtics scouting and recruitment division is telling anyone about what they are up to.

Which makes sense.

There has been a right back mentioned, a chap at Lech Poznan called Robert Gumny, but as the report originated from HITC website, who are not noted for getting anything right except what they lift from us, it may not be as accurate as we would hope.

But who are we to criticise the veracity of other websites exclusives ?

As for those on the way out of Celtic, there should be a few. Others may think that Dedryck Boyata is injured, but as we were told he either signs up or sods off this week, his absence from the side may well be no coincidence.

Olivier Ntcham remains on the sidelines, and again there may be movement for him. He’s being played out of position more often than he would like, and would prefer to be playing somewhere he’d be more comfortable.

Portugal, for instance.

James Forrest, said to be interesting several English sides , but not by anyone who knows anything about it, will not be going anywhere.

With Scott Brown and Mikael Lustig nearing the end of their playing careers, Forrest will not pass the chance of being the only Celtic player in history to have ten successive championship medals.

Thats the sort of thing that gets you a statue in your hometown, and supporters clubs named after you.

People would even name their dogs after him..

Image result for james forrests dog


As for the manager, another source has claimed that he is indeed off to Leicester, which will come as a surprise to Neil Lennon.

Ah, Lennon, the fiesty little lion from Lurgan.

He’s having a few days to calm down after his outburst at Hibernian where its simply not true that he called Leanne Dempster an interfering old dyke, and he most certainly did not punch any holes in any doors on his way out of the building.

Though he probably had every right to lose his temper a wee bit.

Having acquired Scott Allan, and optimistic about gaining a Leigh Griffiths as part of his , er, treatment, Lennon had apparently been frustrated by his clubs refusal to entertain a bid for Ryan Christie before anyone at Celtic noticed how good he was.

Having lost a few influential players of his own, Lennon seems to have made plans to step up a gear but Petrie and Dempster put their foot down.

Wonder if he still thinks they’re easier to work with than Lawwell…


By the time the window is shut, we will have seen a bit of a turnaround in personnel at Celtic, largely with the short term aim of getting the eighth title, and also a few stones in place to build on for next year.

Save the moaning until February the first, although I don’t think we’ll have that much to moan about.

Even the JusticeforJohn campaign is taking off..

But we do need more and more of you to contact the media, UEFA and , of course, the police.

No man should have to go through what Mr. Beaton has been forced to endure, and its time to show him that we are all on his side.

Which reminds me, several recording artists have been in touch about making a record to highlight his plight internationally, and there is even talk of a summer benefit concert…

If anyone with any links to major business operations wants to sponsor this event, please get in touch.


There does seem to be a little bit of disgruntlement over on the other side of the river with Scotlands newest clubs transfer window activity.

So far, they have acquired the services of Jermaine Defoe and Steven Davis, two old stagers who have been brought in to guide the enthusiastic young bucks of ibrox to the next level.

However, it all went horribly wrong at Kilmarnock, and the two were relegated to the bench yesterday as “rangers 2 stormed to a 3-0 victory at Livingston.

Steven Gerrard now faces the dilemma of restoring them to the team, and risking further anger from the hordes should they lose again.

To an outsider, it looks like he’s made an arse of the window, and with no more money available, there will be no need for Sky Tv to plank a reporter at Ibrox.

Incidentally, Gerrard said that he would not accept an eight figure offer for Alfredo Morelas when interviewed on Sky yesterday.

“£1m ? ” he retorted, proving that his maths teacher really did have to remind him to take the top off the pen before he started to write with it..

Steven Gerrard visits Cardinal Heenan High where he went as a youngster

Fortunately for Gerrard, the supporters invaded the pitch again to deflect a wee bit from his gaffe.

They don;t have much to cheer about these days, but sooner or later someone is going to get hurt, or worse, unless these antics are dealt with.

Imagine getting caught in a crush with this guy..


That picture is a bit grainy, but the chap, we understand, runs a stripogram business for ladies who have a more, er, refined taste..

Then again, we may have misunderstood.

The hordes are the butt of many jokes from opposing fans, as they seem to lack a sense of self awareness.

They are often compared to zombies, or the undead, or just any creature that haunts our minds in the wee small hours.

I can’t think why.

Still, at least their players won;t give anyone nightmares.

Well, each to his own, and in no way is this revelation meant to be associated with any person, living or undead.


Yesterdays caption competition..

Pat Higney January 27, 2019 at 11:29 am · Edit · Reply →

Caption: Teresa May approves N. I. Hard border security measures, citing her success during Brexit negotiations as reasons we should trust her judgment.




A wee update on the appeal to help the those without shelter…

Thanks to those who have helped so far, the scheme has been a roaring success, but it appears there is a greater demand for help than was first thought.

Over last few times we’ve hit the streets the main thing requested are those foil blankets , rucksacks and just general clothing sleeping bags we can’t get enough off they go straight away .

If you could rummage around again and have a look for anything mentioned above, , it would be much appreciated.

Seriously, you could save a life. And it is much appreciated by those who are helped.

Later this week, I’ll put together a wee piece outlining the work that has been done so far, and its quite considerable.



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D'Fhinnein Mick


I won’t be going back to that barber again,nor will me oul’ fella. Two for the price of one,he said.

I have a couple of old rucksacks in good condition and at least one foil blanket kicking about. Where do I send/take them?


Dave King opens new barber’s shop with special offer, 2 for the price of 1.


We had a good laugh at Stevie G’s definition of an 8
figure number but the thing is he was trying to be be smart
with the interviewer by being aggressive about what bids and how much would tempt him. Never a good idea to show your irritation with a live mike in front of you.


Caption: re-purposing has gone to their heads


Caption, The three stages of hair, left parted, right parted and departed. 😉 <0

Noel Skytrot

The guy with the baldish head, you would be sorely tempted to give him a Benny Hill baldy head slap. Looking at the pic, why are so many folk wearing hats at an indoor sports event?

I see that the Klan have won the league again, when will it stop. I’d love to see them try that at CP, try it ya zombie bastards.

The Cha

They did but not in celebration of a last minute winner but to attack celebrating Tic players and ended up crushing their own disabled fans.

Are they thick?

For the avoidance of doubt, that’s a rhetorical question.

Noel Skytrot

Aye, and we were getting flak for it from the footballing authorities and the filth, only in Scotland. They’re as thick as cooled magma, Cha.

The Cha

As bad as the SPFL/SFA are, I think the only criticism came from the Huns and there cretinous mates in the media.

George Lazenbhoy

The guy circled in orange looks like he’s trying to save his club one pie at a time.

The Cha

Caption “Hair, Hair, the Celts are here…Darn the hair do we care”


Rug rage youth denies wig theft.


” World class in everything we do ” Mwahaha mwahaha mwahahah. Fill the Kerrydale suite Buy all you can from the club shops & superstore Subscribe to Celtic T.V. Only buy official club merchandise Back the manager who has filled the stadium, who has delivered back to back unprecedented trebles & even open top buses at Paradise with all the trophies on show? Why do we have a situation where on the back of this success, the board have put the brakes on the runaway train? We aren’t talking about half a dozen players here, we are talking two to… Read more »


This coming from the guy who would get rid of thee clubs best centre half !! Your a joke monti


Glad to brighten your day.


Monti… such a pity they didn’t have the disco lights on the open top bus… That would have made the day even more special 🙂


Erm….aye. 🙂


Lawwells hands? If you can get them out his fucking pockets!

Use your cause…

Turn on the Celts.

I`d play on that pitch the way it is.


Aye the pitch, another fucking joke, £1.5m for a bald playing surface, fucking great this lark m8, maybe we could train the green lights on the pitch in order to make it look, well, erm green?

I suppose it`s not got a warranty for that price.

They`ll just lay a new one on top.


£1.5m for cushion floor?

Now that would be world class for cushion floor.


Celtic`ve hired Malky to lay it.
Comes with a free round rug.

© a blade of grass. That`s the joke.


Caption: Celtic AGM ( question from a fan )

” Hi Peter, just wanted to say thanks for all this recent success, none of it would have been possible without you Peter, without you Peter……without you Peter “

Ian`s a stingy bassa.

Monks in flannel for all.


Caption: Mike ( guy with bald head & check shirt ) attends a Tayside farmers market.
” how much fir this fifty inch LG Plasma TV ken, slightly scratched as it wis frced oot the windae like ken n that, wha’s gonnae stert the bidding at twa hunner n fifty quid? Come on noo like ken “


Twa fifty, twa fifty, twa fifty, going to the lad wi the tertan shirt.


Seven words you never read on Celtic news:
Celtic locked in talks with quality player.
Words you do read on Celtic news:
Eighteen year old snubs Celtic for Southampton.
How hard is it to bring in experienced players, threaten them that you will release their dirty pictures to the press or their partners. Simple tactics like that can make a big difference.


I’m tearing my hair oot….


Erm eh erm oh ok!




Is that your caption entry?


Headlines (?)

Austerity hits Family Budgets Hard.
Father & Son reduced to sharing Tea Cosy to keep out the winter chill.


Twins, Potato Heid & Dick Heid, separated from birth meet by chance at Parkheid.

Mammy said to share Dad.


Just phoned the SPFL & got through to speak to this guy ‘ David ‘. This is how it went: Monti – ” Can i ask what the SPFL position is on a member clubs support singing about Killing Catholics & the Pope? Yesterday we were treated to songs of killing, rape victims, child abuse & mocking people with mental health issues, we also had another pitch invasion. What did the SPFL think of this?” David – ” I didn’t see it….pause…….we have a match delegate who may or may not have concluded it in his match report ” Monti… Read more »


Monti… That’s fucking minions for ya…
Did That David have a South African twang to his accent?


Definitely west coast presb


Monti…probably a vegan as well

The Cha

“West coast presb”, is that like Gascoigne’s nationality “English Protestant”?


More or less 🙂

The Cha

I think the club are still waiting to see Beaton’s report from the game at the end of the year.

Probably never see it but that’s what happens when you only pay your top executive a measly £4m per year.


Guys give the SPFL a call…it’s fun.


Caption The guy behind aka the phantom buzz cutter strikes again and claims two more victims can no one stop him


Caption :

My wig went floatin’
My wig went floatin’
Sorrow. Sorrow


Caption :

The mans hair my friend
Went blowing in the wind
The mans hair went blowing in the wind

The Cha

I think you can only loan one player to a team.

I’m pretty sure that was why Gary Mackay couldn’t also be loaned to Aberdeen along with Christie and needed to be a permanent signing.

The Cha

From the Beeb:

“Schalke enquire about Man City teenage winger Matondo”

Fuxake, if we miss out on a winger, I’m going to be bloody furious.



Is there enough to fill the mantelpiece


I prefer the merchants entrance….

Honest hoops

Caption; hertz player..stevie naehair’s…family are spotted in stand..

The Cha

Maryan Shved – The Pride of Karpaty Lviv



Caption: PC Farqhaur McPlod is sent for retraining after being ordered to video any Celtic fan that looked half-cut.


Caption: Why the fuck did you want to come here son. Da I said take me to see the Celtic
The Celtic not fuckin Celtics.


Wed night we need to win—our game in hand. Tommy Wright’s teams are usually well-organised but we can also sometimes just blow them away. We need a team that will trash their parked bus.
Weah/Johnston to figure.
2-0 to the Bhoys.
This is a big game and a chance to move further ahead of the pack.
I want to see us attacking in waves.


Benkovic is out for this one.

Celtic 4-2-3-1








Monti Rogic wont be available for midweek.
Apart from that then all good.
7_0 The bhoys someone’s due a pasting.


I heard he was back in training & available, he sat out the Aussie game so he should be fresh m8.


Welcome to Celtic Maryan Shved!

You mad about ETims or just plain mad? Why not buy the t-shirt at http://etims.spreadshirt.co.uk/