Celtic Diary Tuesday September 25: The Solution To Our Problems

From his platform with the Daily Record, Kris Boyd of Kilmarnock, has claimed that there is a dressing room split at Celtic, that some of the players are refusing to play for the jersey and that everyone knows how to play against Celtic now.

I’ll give him the latter, but there is no dressing room split.

There is a general feeling of despondency, and the players are fully aware that they are not playing well.

They have lost faith in the system, and they , being a fragile bunch, are upset at the criticism they get for playing the way they do when its actually a fact that they are only doing what they are told.

all the manager has to do, is to put an arm around them and give them some words of encouragement.

Thankfully, Kris Boyd has done the motivational speech for them, and all Brendan has to do is read it to them.

That should get the adrenalin going, and if he simply tells them to keep a basic shape but to use their own imagination on the field, then there’s a chance we can get this show back on the road in Perth.

And Boyd ?

Surely as a player at another team, this outburst merits a disrepute charge, at the very least ?


There have been precious few solutions offered up to the current crisis, but, as I have said before, this management lark is a piece of piss, so I’m going to step in and avoid the coming armageddon.

I’m going to move away from the blame game and offer a practicable, working solution to our apparent woes.

If anyone sees Brendan can you pass on my words of wisdom.

First, we have to find and sign a chap who goes by the name of Sean South. That will keep everyone happy as they can sing about a player and a cause at the same time. It doesn’t matter if he’s any good, as he only has to learn to pass a ball sideways anyway, and as long as he doesn;t buy a poppy, a section of the support will have a new hero.

Secondly, ask the players to pass the ball to someone in space who is in front of them. This will require a bit of work as the players at the moment show all the mobility of a subbuteo team, but if they adopt a “give and go ” strategy, instead of a “give and wait till it comes back ” plan, then this will result in more attempts on goal.

Third, the defence has performed notably over the last few weeks, but if they could perhaps speed things up a bit, that would be nice. A bit of urgency in the tackle, and a bit of urgency in clearing their lines. It doesn;t matter if we lose the ball for a moment, we can always get it back. If we lose a goal, however, thats currently a bit more difficult to deal with.

For all players, however, there’s a little bit of advice. When in possession, don’t be afraid to take players on. All defenders hate it when you run straight at them, and it forces them to back pedal, and affects their balance and concentration. With proper support from teammates who then find the resulting space as hordes of defenders close in, there will appear openings, and they can be exploited with shots on goal.

Fourth, and this perhaps seems a bit obvious, if you do try something and it doesn’t work, don;t worry. You’ll get another chance.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, to win the game you must score more goals than the other team, so make sure you don’t relax until you have at least a couple of goals advantage. This will also temper any enthusiasm amongst the players facing you, and they’ll retreat back into their shells once we have restored the natural order of things.

Which will start tomorrow night. Because enough is enough, and its time to switch off the light at the end of the tunnel which is attracting a lot of people in the game who really ought to know better.

As for the management and coaching side of the team, loosen up. Try something different, along the lines described above, and people will stop calling you names.

There’s a team tomorrow night who will try to take away something that has required a tremendous and sustained effort to achieve.

Kick their fucking heads in and let them know who’s boss.


There, piece of piss this management lark.


So, whats been going on elsewhere while we’ve been feeling sorry for ourselves and blaming everyone and anyone we can think of ?

Predictably, the papers are full of the crisis at Celtic, and when mixed with their usual enthusiastic appause for Stevie Staunch over at Ibrox, then we could be forgiven for believing at least some of the nonsense appearing on those not quite absorbent enough to be of any practical use pages.

But those financial issues appear to be a little more obvious than perhaps they would like their adoring hirdes to know..

Ovie Ejaria’s entrance into Rangers’ 5-1 win over St Johnstone wasn’t what you’d expect.

The Gers sub was primed to take the place of James Tavernier, only to realise he was ready to enter the action without any shin guards.

Thankfully, his skipper bailed him out. 

After the fiasco of unmatching tops in the European game with Villareal, it now transpires that they haven’t even got enough shin pads to go around…

They had their Armed Forces Day on Sunday, which follows on from the phenomenal success last year where a mere 50,000 fans raised £4,500 to help their friends in the military.

It’s not known how much was raised this year, but there are rumours a few quid will be lopped off for shin pads.

And there’s no bubble bath left either in the dressing room.


Then there’s this, which has sinister overtones. but then again, when you curb police powers on the one hand, you can expect the other to come hurtling towards you, probably with a night stick in it..

A new bylaw, proposed at a meeting of Glasgow city council this week, would bar the sale of items that “have a political, racial, religious or sectarian content” outside the city’s football grounds.

The move comes as sectarian violence, long a feature of Celtic-Rangers’ matches, intensifies at other Premier League games in Scotland.

A spokeswoman for Glasgow city council said: “The council discussed various national flags, including the tricolour and the Union Jack. A final decision will only be arrived at after consultation with street traders, the clubs and police.”

Scarves bearing the names of paramilitary groups and slogans such as Tiocfaidh Ar La, the IRA motto, along with CDs of republican and loyalist anthems, are almost certain to be banned, according to informed sources. 


Glasgow police have already ordered some bars to remove Celtic memorabilia which they believe could provoke trouble.

The Scottish parliament is also considering an amendment to the Criminal Justice Bill (Scotland) to create an offence of sectarian aggravation. The bill is expected to become law early in the new year.

Donald Gorrie, the Liberal Democrat MSP who drew up the amendment, has received cross-party support for the legislation.

“When I first approached this issue three years ago there was little support for it, but with recent ugly scenes at football games, Scottish society is beginning to face up to the problem.”

Football in Scotland has long been the battleground for a proxy war between Northern Ireland’s nationalists and loyalists. The flying of tricolours is common among supporters of Glasgow Celtic and Edinburgh’s Hibernian, while symbols of the union, often with paramilitary connotations, are brandished by supporters of Rangers and Hearts, the Edinburgh club. The symbols have heightened tensions at games, which frequently spill over into violence.

In 1999, Thomas McFadden, a 16-year old Celtic fan, was stabbed to death by a group of Rangers’ supporters celebrating their club’s victory over Celtic.

Neil Lennon was forced to resign his captaincy of the Northern Ireland football team four months ago following a series of death threats. The warnings came after the Lurgan-born Catholic was signed to Celtic.

More recently, trouble erupted at an Old Firm derby in October, leading to 40 arrests in Glasgow and sparking riots in Northern Ireland.

Increased sectarian violence among supporters of Glasgow and Edinburgh clubs has spurred Jack McConnell, Scotland’s first minister, to consider banning flags with “sectarian overtones”. He has made clear, however, that not all fans were automatically guilty of sectarianism because “they (the flags) symbolise the proud traditions of both teams”. Celtic and Rangers regularly attract up to 5,000 Irish fans to their home games.

Celtic was founded in 1888 by a Catholic priest as a charitable project for Glasgow’s large Irish immigrant community, while Rangers developed a support base among the Protestant working classes, including emigrants from Ulster.

A spokeswoman for Celtic Football Club said: “This idea that the tricolour itself could be considered sectarian is horrendous. Scotland and Ireland have just attempted to host jointly the European Championships with a symbol that included the tricolour.

“The club would totally oppose any attempt to remove this part of our heritage although we completely support any attempts to stop the display of tricolours defaced with sectarian logos or slogans.” 

Attempts were made by the Scottish Football Association in the 1950s to stop Celtic flying the tricolour at their stadium but the plan was dropped after their archrivals Rangers opposed the move. 

Ah, good old Rangers. They said it was okay…

If this proposed ban does become law, then sales of tricolours will go through the roof.

Then, we can all take them to the ground and fly them the wrong way round, and claim to be supporters of the Ivory coast.

Image result for ivory coast flag

In fact, we could actually claim we we all misheard all these years, and were singing I.. Ivory coast..Ivory coast for my holiday..

There is no way to prove in court that this is not an Ivorian flag, and therefore thousands and thousands of pounds will be wasted, and yet again, a politician will be shown to be little more than a complete fucking idiot..

Then again, some of them are, and one in particular probably still doesn’t see what he’s done wrong…

Andy Kerr, a Scottish Labour politician, made a throwaway sectarian remark to a member of his audience, claiming that he though he had seen them cross themself, and added jovially that he might not answer there point because of this.

Scottish Labour, putting the fun back into bigotry.

He’s since apologised and gone into hiding amongst friends, but as regualr readers know, the diary has eyes and ears everywhere-I don’t really make things up, that was just something I told Lawwell to avoid joining his inner circle- and as a result, we can reveal his whereabouts..

As for Scottish Labour.. well, they’re a party for the working man aren’t they..?


We didnlt have a caption competition yesterday, but we will have one today.

But first, we go back to Friday for this one…


The Cha September 21, 2018 at 3:06 pm · Edit · Reply →

Caption “A lot of seamen on display as Grift hits the winner” 

today..and this will take some explaining..from an album called Crazy disco Pics from the seventies..


Oh, and by the way. John Beaton is the referee at Perth tomorrow.

Image result for fucking hell

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My take on the current malaise. Worryingly Kris Boyd and I are in agreement on a number of the points he made in the piece on the BBC site apart from the dressing room split bit – I have no insight into that.

But please don’t let that put you off – there is hope in the numbers!

Might be my browser not showing a “And in the Today in History section …” but references to Donald Gorrie (RIP) and Jack MacConnell…is this a Diary from 2001?

Andy Kerr, a Scottish Labour politician….NOPE!

Hes a chairman of Labour’s ruling National Executive Committee..a CWU ( Communications Union) top brass. All those catholic workers paying into the Union fund must feel their getting their moneys worth there!

D'Fhinnein Mick

DESIMOND I’ve withdrawn from unions before,mainly because they were amalgamating with another union which held the rump of Eric Hammond’s EEPTU in it. Three times,I feel like they are stalking me(!) I’m now in the GMB,so put your money on them being sucked in too. Anyway,I’ve never voted anyone but Labour in my life. Criminal offence otherwise,where I come from. I’m not a great fan of the witch hunt for an ill-advised remark,but in his case,he needs to stand down from his various responsibilities. I’ve never asked anyone their religion,and neither has my Dad. He achieved more for his union… Read more »

A new bylaw, proposed at a meeting of Glasgow city council this week, would bar the sale of items that “have a political, racial, religious or sectarian content” outside the city’s football grounds.

Its from 2002!!


Stop taking so many tramadol n the morning

The Cha

I thought he was just being more surreal than normal.

Rob O'Keeffe

Ralph talks PISH!……Signed Sean South

salad queen

Boney m or mungo jerry v a knight in white satin


desi dont worry aboot ralph hees jeest been readin to many donnchadh posts heel snap oot ae it he he


speakin ae donnchadh is that him trying oan his snazzy new uniform while in hiding wae chairman andy


caption is that the initiation ceremony for donnchadhs groupies ae squaddies cult


donnchadh thers a guy commentin in the scotsman sounds like you …….they call him the state aid guy …..yoov no got another nom de plume have ye ya wee rascal ha ha ha ha

Daziekanowski's nightclub child

Caption: Geez my Budgie back!



Kris Boyd pictured left of centre {with beard and hair) licks his lips as he sees his ideal man. Reminding him of his favourite snack, Monster Munch Flamin hot.


The Shaft-Flash Gordon dance-off sets temperatures soaring. Lady gets so hot her hair spontaneously combusts.


Caption look Mr Hendrix a won’t tell ye again get the music turned aff and tell yer pals the party’s over av got ma work in 4hrs.


Caption woman with the big cleavage it’s getting he’ll of a warm ma heids roasting


Caption woman with the big cleavage it’s getting he’ll of a warm ma heids roasting.


Well done to everyone taking part in Cork today in tribute to Liam Miller, raising monies for Liam’s family and other good causes.
“Natural order will be restored” Straight out of the Hertz rent a quote dictionary, The slump continues….
Talking about bath bubbles, when you move house and the bath is scum lined, send it back to the Orange Order, they are mingers. Alternatively “Reach for Flash AHA.. It cleans up the impossible”


Ralph don’t care about Boyd and the Record they will just strengthen Celtic, hopefully we, the players and supporters will be together over the next few weeks. Just want Brendan to knock a few things on the head and maybe a few heads as well.

Auditions for ‘Enter The Dragon’ were hotting up!


A slew of attacking metrics are trending down. Are the opposition also improving? Dark days for Celtic enlightened by our old friend Expected Goals.

The Cha

Caption “We’re going to burn and die and never go to Studio 55”


Desi…Jim Kelly whom I thought nearly as cool as Bruce and way better than John Saxon. Forward line from Billy the Fish, let’s sign them but not midfield dynamo Mick Hucknall who, after an explosive debut goal from 40 yards,didn’t kick a ball thereafter thereby uncannily mirroring his recording career.


Prospective entrant to Studio 54 prepares to undergo the clean y fronts test.


Studio 54! now there’s a memory! and no I’m not of that ilk but I have visited, strange day’s.

San Miguel

CAption – Stephen Hendry wonders if Barry Hearn’s attempt to make snooker sexy has went too far !


Young Donnchadh Saiz meets his alter ego in the temple of doom only to defeat himself with endless stats. A draw was called leaving the audience who were beyond for blood stormed the ticketek office demanding refunds


Beying *


Boyata and Hendry shudder when the photos of their dads’ 18-30 holiday in Magaluf are sent anonymously to Broonie and get pinned to the noticeboard.


Much as I like Neil Lennon all this talk of his return pisses me off, it’d be a step down from Rodgers for sure. He’s had his day at Celtic. Rodgers is the man. Rather see Steve Clarke at the helm, when and if BR goes, as much as Lennon’s passion for the club is unsurpassed he’s a loose cannon who struggles to keep his emotions in check. Love the guy, who doesn’t ? But you can’t have a guy like Lennon spearheading us. Way too incendiary


Caption: “I fight with the spirit of the dragon.”
“Aye an’ I fecht wi’ the spirit o’ vodka!”


Sometimes, on a water-logged pitch at Motherwell, St. Johnstone, etc. conditions are not good for passing football. We need to get the ball into the final third, quickly. Here’s how. To win the ball in the air we go with Rogic and Ajer in midfield (Ajer is a midfielder and was once a centre forward) We hoof the ball up to Rogic/Edouard/Ajer (all tall men) who lay the ball off to Tierney, McGregor, Forrest, etc. This would require a formation like (3-3-3-1) Gordon Lustig/Boyata/Benkovic Brown/Mulumbu/Tierney Forrest/Ajer/Rogic Edouard Use Griff, Johnston, etc. Tomorrow night will show what we’re made of. Many… Read more »


I finally got round to reading Kris Boyd’s comments, really grateful to him,he has done some of Brendan’s work for him. Tommy Wright will doing his nut,” just when we had a chance to take Celtic Kris Boyd rallies them.” Against St Mitten all I could think of were Paddy McCourt and Paddy Roberts running rings around them. Many of us have been saying BR needs to vary his tactics, I would like to see a big number 10 winning the ball In the air for Odsonne and/ or Griff and a winger who could dribble, I had hoped Mikey… Read more »


Third attempt to post this. Desi, Good questions. Wish I had answers. It seems to me that there are three problem areas that have come together to create a perfect storm. 1. Many of BR’s incoming transfers have been poor quality…De Vries, Gamboa, Hendry,Kouassi , Compper and now Sinclair(who has no heart) . In addition, there are the projects who probably will see out their contracts and not get near the first team, e.g Benyu. His reported targets for the summer were Edouard, Piccini, Schar and McGinn. We got Edouard, but lost out on the other three. Of these, only… Read more »


In original B movie Star Wars, Luke Skywalker is unimpressed with Darth’s light sabre.


Caption: At the Christmas karaoke Ajer is seriously unimpressed with Boyata’s “do the mashed potato, I can do the twist, I can do slide tackles, I can heed it like this.”


Morton Reserves. ( just lads) 3…Celtic Reserves, with some pretenders to first team…1. Wonderkid Arzani miles away from first 11


Then he is not a wonderkid.

Rob O'Keeffe

History Time: 35 years ago today.38 I.R.A.Freedom Fighters escaped from H-Block 7.Excellent.Thatcher was totally pissed off.
Now for a YouTube video of Sean South that lasts 1916 minutes…….

Rob O'Keeffe

CS,I’m genuinely not trying to be funny,but why is an ex-forces guy now posting under a partial Irish nom de plume? This site is getting more mental by the day and Ralph’s “contribution” today is Ambrose like…..


Before last week’s match during the warm up Toure took Boyata, Eduard, Ntcham and they were joined by Mulumba. It almost seemed the black or, more likely,French players were a clique apart. I noticed the same things when Dembelle was there, at the end of the game when he and Boyata hung back as the other players went to the Green Brigade but I thought that was understandable given the banner GB incident, I hope it doesn’t signify a split of some kind.


So why did we take him then…? We have young players we can bring through. Not blaming him but his name will be shouted for soon and he isn’t , on todays showing, any where near ready.


Hi Ralph, hope your well although reading the first half of the diary it appears you may not be as well as i wish. Yes it’s not the perfect start but very little runs smoothly in the world of sporting competition. Watching the Rosenberg game was a bit like watching paint dry but then in the last few minutes Celtic’s No.1 striker who should have been on the park from the kick off created a bit of room for himself and settled the matter. Do not fret comrade the Hoops will come of age again this season and all pretenders… Read more »


You’re a runway winner for knob of the week with that pro Tartan Tory shite

Caption: Brian Laudrup is invited to the annual KKK disco. The record playing is Donna Summers’ “Hot Stuff”.

It’s true! A sensible person on the follow, follow website told me this!!

Rob O'Keeffe

Aye,aye,r eh…Irish Republican Army…wherever we,oops,they go we,oops,they fear No Foe,for we,oops,they r ra I.R.A!……Still haven’t gone away….take note Brit lurkers….


OMG Boab frae River City has lost 19 stone, now I know where that fatberg came from!!


Go back to the final whistle at Hampden park last season, an historic back to back treble, remember the open top bus scenes at Celtic park, the finale of another fantastic trophy laden season. The three domestic trophies in the cabinet, dominance underlined, a fantastic young manager the toast of Paradise…. Now put yourselves in Brendan’s shoes, what more can you do? What more could he have done? Did he deserve to be backed big time by the board? Was he backed big time by the board? There is the fucking answer! The man has been treated with arrogance &… Read more »


Fuck Peter Lawwell he’s fucking interfering with team affairs, fuck that, another Jock Brown this cunt is, you’ve had your day Lawwell now get tae fuck!
He fought paying the living wage for fuck sake, that in itself should have seen him gone, he has banned the Green Brigade & supplied Police Scotland with details of the support, he has fucked off decent managers, appointed a fucking clown in Deila & has now left a double treble winning manager disillusioned?
Just get tae fuck.

” World class in everything we do “?

You are a fucking disgrace!



Oh and take that other useless cunt congerton with you, how much money is this fuckwit on each week?
Useless fucks the pair of them!




Very decent of Brendan to take time out from his own pressures to give Kris Boyd some career advice, “you are that useless you cannot get on the park for Killie” was very nicely put, as it would be by someone from the North if Ireland, but the point was made. I like the fighting talk Brendan, let’s see the players rise to the challenge, bye bye St Johnstone and Sevco might have a bit of a problem with Ayr to boot.



Lustig Brown Boyata Tierney

Mulumbu Ntcham Morgan

Forrest Griffiths Edouard.

Celts 3-1.


Where`s that look in the defenders eyes gone knowing that he’s still got half a hour of this pressure to go in the game?
Only then for Celtic to continue his nightmares with the introduction of new fresh legs.

That Celtic,that`s our Celtic.



Succinctly put Port.


Today will give us a glimpse into the team, we will learn if they have the stomach for the fight. We will find out if they including Brendan have learned anything about how to play against many parked buses. My instincts tell me that they have, they have always answered to any challenge that was put in front of them. Stay united, back Brendan and the team, they are what matters, nothing else. So good luck tonight bhoys, our champions, our double treble winners, answer the calls from the sewers and give us a good result tonight. KTF.

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