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Celtic Diary Thursday November 2: On a Lighter Note…

Although the performance against Bayern Munich was great, the result wasn’t, and there’s been a bit of an inquest as to what went wrong.

One of the replies yesterday pretty much confirmed what a drunk fellow told me at the bar , and Dedryck Boyata is taking it pretty badly.

He says he lost the ball in the floodlights, and that split second of uncertainty caused his misjudgement.

Whereas Craig Gordon did his usual charge of the shite brigade and made a complete arse of it. Still, at least this time he left out the impression of Harold Schumacher and missed the player as well as the ball.

I thought Dedryck was going to head it”,

“The punt through came from the goalkeeper, who has played the ball fairly aimlessly up the park – which is what we’re looking for.

“It’s just one of those things. You don’t see that often here and I don’t quite know how it got all the way through, but it was a strange goal to lose. I think Dedryck thought it was going to come straight through. I just had to react, so it was kind of an all-round mistake.

“Coman is pretty quick and he got in behind Dedryck. I just tried to force him wide and take his momentum off him to allow the guys to get back in behind the ball, but he still managed to score.

“It’s something you don’t see very often, especially in games at this level, one ball up the pitch causing such difficulty – and we were just a little bit late to react.

“I had to do something off the bouncing ball, he was coming straight through, he’s quick, and he was right in the middle of the goal.

“From my point of view, I’ve forced him to come round me and let three of the guys get back goal-side of the ball to try and make a block.

“And we got unlucky because he’s threaded the ball through a forest of legs and found the net. I also felt it might have hit his hand as the ball rolled across his body. Having looked at it again, it looks as though it did touch his hand.

“The official has looked at it and thought it hit his hip, so there’s a difference of opinion there. It counted. The guy behind the goal should be looking at that.

“We’ve got goal-line technology, so he should be looking at the play, at least. It looked as though it hit his hand and they have got the advantage from that.” 

Image result for it wasn't my fault gif

Boyata and Gordon did well enough to recover and were fairly solid afterwards, but for both of them its time to realise whats done is done and its time to put it behind them.

On Saturday Celtic face St. Johnstone in Perth, and despite their surprisingly low position in the league, we need all eyes back on the prize .

There’s been a lot of praise from our Tuetonic friends about the other night.

Am I the only one who finds it all a little condescending ?

German newspaper Bild led the way..

 

Er, yeah. We know. We won a trophy for it.

Then a couple of their players gave their thoughts…

“That was a football experience of pure culture. Throughout the night we felt goosebumps.”

Ah , isn’t that grand ?

I couldn’t have been more embarrassed if the support had brought along their girlfriends and offered them up to the Bayern players as a thank you for gracing our humble abode.

The end result of the praise from opposing teams is that anyone drawn against Celtic will look forward to coming to what used to be one of the hardest places in Europe to get a result.

Can we not just all sit there with our arms folded and at least unnerve them a bit ?

One of their fans  even had the audacity to smuggle all his kids in without paying, and Celtic should demand compensation at the earliest possible opportunity.

We asked a steward how this could have happened, but he said he hadn’t a clue.

 

Not to be outdone, city neighbours “rangers ” invited Bayern over to Auchenhowie for a training session yesterday before they headed home to Munich, to give Ibrox players a chance to mix with top class footballers, presumably in order to make them work a little bit harder so they can get a move to a bigger and more established outfit.

Rangers FC have invited Bayern to have an extra training session at their ground this morning before flying back to Munich from Glasgow 

It was decent of “rangers ” to do this, but I’m hoping the Bayern players didn’t leave their valuables unguarded in the dressiing room. They’d have had their pockets picked, and we hear they used their own towels afterwards to avoid catching scabies.

Anyhoo, the locals went all shy, and spent most of the time arguing who should ask the Bayern players of they’d sign some autographs…

Kenny miller, the veteran malcontent, couldn’t help but show his displeasure at more foreigners hanging around the place..

And Jimmy Bell, well, his face when he saw what the Germans drove around in…

 

Image result for burnt out bus rangers fc

But for a new club and all the staff to see what can be achieved with hard work and determination, it was a masterstroke for morale at the cash strapped club, and could help them secure a top six place in the league.

Oh, that reminds me, we’ve been contacted by someone from over there who has a few stories to tell.

That’s  apart from the fact that it only turns out one of my mates is a coach at the club.

For the first time in the history of the Etims site, we don’t actually have to make something up. although trust me, what we’re hearing is indeed stranger than fiction, and a lot fucking funnier.

Keep your eye out for this piece, we’re talking to the legal people…

You can guess what we told them..

Image result for fuck off

But it isn’t nice to mock those who have perhaps not been blessed, if thats the right word, with a level of intelligence and awareness that the rest of us take for granted.

Scientists have developed a device, which when wired directly to the brain, that when activated, instantly increases the intelligence and awareness of the user back up to 21st century level, and is ideal for those who perhaps have not moved forward from say, the late seventeenth century.

Their refusal to join the rest of us in modern society means that they have an entirely different interpretation of even the most basic facts, and often adopt a somewhat stubborn attitude to new or relevant information.

 

Here’s a classic example which illustrates perfectly why the new device is essential, before one of them goes out to catch a bus and tries to do it literally.

Replying to 

Don’t get upset, you were 2 hours from being obliterated. We were never that close to going out of business. We survived and u hate it

I’m astonished. Truly astonished, and am left wondering if this fellows mother actually had any kids that lived.

anyway, if anyone knows who he is, tell him to get in touch. He really would benefit from the use of the new device.

Oh, did I mention that the switch is fitted to the back of the patients head, and has to be activated with a cricket bat ?

Mind you, we cannot criticise anyone else when its been revealed that our own captain, just a few years after this incident, when he had a day off…

Image result for Scott Brown gutter

has not only gone and done it again, but roped in fun loving Swede Mikael Lustig to his shameful alcohol based lifestyle..

It’s only a matter of time before the pair are sharing a flat above a shop and hiding from the rent man.

Does anyone ever think of the effect this has on young, impressionable kids ?

It’s bad enough trying to find them suitable television these days…

And its not safe to let them play outside anymore.

A study has revealed that due to their financial circumstances, many families have been forced to release their pets into the wild, where the animals have to find their own food, with frightening results

The times they are a changing…

Sometimes, though, the more things change, the more they stay the same..

People don’t think things through any more, like the guy who decorated the care home up the road from me, for their Halloween party.

Todays Daily Record has continued the theme of deflection that has surrounded events at ibrox for the last decade or so… and is another shining example of the lack of thought that goes into their articles..

So…its the lawyers who stiffed the creditors…

And not Murray and his creative accounting ?

And not those venture capitalists who whipped away  the assets for next to nothing, and thus any chance of the creditors being paid,  and were supported by a compliant media and promoted by a corrupt governing body ?

Image result for thats me told

We have to go back to Tuesday for the caption competition..

Martin67 October 31, 2017 at 8:15 am · Edit · Reply →

Caption: Brendan: I heard Bayern are looking forward to the game tonight.

KT: Don’t know why, I just curled one out in their shower! 

today… I would like to know if anyone heard what the star struck “rangers ” players were saying..

 

 

 

It was with great sadness that we learned of the passing of fellow Celtic supporter and internet bampot known to many as  Mince, one of the true characters and all round great guys. 

Scott was the kind of guy who was always there if you needed him. Many will acknowledge how much of his time he gave up to help others. 

A true gent. 

Our thoughts and prayers are with his family. He will be missed. 

 

I kind of think, if i may be so bold, from the times he and I chatted, that he’d like these words..

Image result for laughter quotes

Rest in Peace.

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The real Anton Rogan
6 years ago

Caption: Shit!!! Is that the windae cleaner collecting his cash?

6 years ago

The men behind the wire 2017

6 years ago

Ok…One last time Dougal..
Us Huns are near!
Those huns are far away!

jimmybee
6 years ago

Caption: They actually train with a ball wtf.

Arsene Parcelie
6 years ago

As I think I already said on Twitter…

Caption:
A still from Escape To Victory? Prisoners plot their escape as the German guards prepare for the match.

6 years ago

Caption
We better get back inside boys we’re on duty to change millers geriatric nappy

jimmybee
6 years ago

Ralph i know your pissed off about everyone enjoying the unique Celtic park experiance on Champions league nights.
It truly is magical.
This is not the reason we lose its just that we have inferior players at this level.
The atmosphere has never changed yet we were able to beat the big guns under Martin and Lenny at Celtic park, so im happy that everyone feels and gets the unique atmosphere our wonderful fans bring.They are the best in Europe on such nights.
Football is about entertainment not making it uncomfortable for visitors. The Bayern fans were also exceptional and deserve great credit in making it a great night in paradise.
The goals we lost were poor both of them preventable. The players must know they missed a huge oppertunity to win the tie. Bayern were there to be taken.So nothing to do with atmosphere m8 just we are piss at this level.
Also my sincere condoloences on the passing of your friend and fellow blogger,may he and the souls of all the faithfull departed rest in peace Amen.

jimmybee
6 years ago

Caption : Who let the huns out !!!!!!!

Uralius
6 years ago
Reply to  jimmybee

Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof

Melvin Udall
6 years ago

R.I.P. Mince. I used to be a member on CM and he always came across as a really decent guy.

Una
6 years ago

Caption: So thats what professional football player looks like.

Monti
6 years ago
Reply to  Una

Weered,
Was tgat a thinly Veiled jibe?

Monti
6 years ago
Reply to  Monti

Lovely City 🙂

Monti
6 years ago
Reply to  Monti

Holy Vata?

Monti
6 years ago

Caption: ” So that’s how it feels to be Celtic “

Monti
6 years ago

R.I.P. to the guy Mince, didn’t know him or meet him, but he was one of us!

May God be with you & your family each and every day!

YNWA!

Monti
6 years ago

” Brendan Rodgers looking to tie Dedryck Boyata to new, long term deal “?

Wwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttt?

Gerry
6 years ago
Reply to  Monti

So Brendan thinks he’s a player and Monti knows he isn’t. I’m sorry Monti, it’s a close one but I might have to side with Brendan on this one.
Remember so long as they wear the Hoops they should get our support, wish for better of course, but until better arrives get behind them!!

Monti
6 years ago
Reply to  Gerry

Gerry,
It’s only my opinion m8

BJF
6 years ago

Caption “Shhh look real footballers.” Una just a bit different.
Ralph looking forward to the story of course it’s a Celtic site do some might struggle, me I don’t care, but g it on!

Monti
6 years ago

Caption: ” Windass du Arschloch, pass den ball Zurück “!

( Windass you asshole, pass the ball back )

Wisnae me
6 years ago

Caption: What’s that round thing they’re kicking?

Bognorbhoy
6 years ago

Caption

Fur a minute ahh thought that was Pedro in the hood

Monti
6 years ago
Reply to  Bognorbhoy

” Pedro in the Hood ” ?
After his Vampire ramblings, does that mean he is a ‘ Blood ‘ & not a ‘ Crip ‘ ? 🙂

Bognorbhoy
6 years ago
Reply to  Monti

I know the hoards thought he was bloody crap

Monti
6 years ago
Reply to  Bognorbhoy

Ho’s 🙂

Bognorbhoy
6 years ago
Reply to  Monti

Of course that should be hordes…..
Or could he be hoarding something under the hood …

Mick Cass
6 years ago

Caption: Surely Dave should have told us players first that Jupp Heynckes was the new manager. If he’s brought all those Bayern players with him we’re never getting a game.

Alzyerpal
6 years ago

Caption: Sevco players,watching Bayern train, are reminded of that awful night in Luxembourg,when the Progres players were little more than a blur to them.

Puggy67
6 years ago

Caption: Ya numpty he said “they’re Bayern players outside” no buying them!

Bit OTT Ralph on the atmosphere. If certain clubs want to ensure the inclusion of football Cathedrals when the top teams all fuck off in their space ship to the UEFA Elite League then patronise the bejaysus out of me. Great quote from Bild:
“Fantastic. A great orgasm of almost 60,000 Scottish throats.”
Should we start singing that Tartan Army song “we’ll be coming, we’ll be coming…”
See Robben one of the greatest players ever to grace Celtic Park thinks, like me, we could make the Europa Final. Is he talking PISH as well Monti?

Level 5 plant
6 years ago
Reply to  Puggy67

I agree only many thousands of those throats came over on the boat from Ireland!

Monti
6 years ago
Reply to  Puggy67

He’s not no, but you’re giving it a go!

Puggy67
6 years ago
Reply to  Monti

🙂

Monti
6 years ago
Reply to  Puggy67

🙂

Rob O'Keeffe
6 years ago
Reply to  Puggy67

No Tartan Army songs please,totally embarrassing.Let’s bring back the Thunder at Parkhead and belt out the songs.How many European opponents enjoyed playing in front of the Jungle?None…….

6 years ago

Desimond the winner….HH

Monti
6 years ago
Reply to  KEIGHLEY BHOY

PISH 😉

CarlJungleBhoy
6 years ago

Caption: Huns in (photo) bombing raid

Snood
6 years ago

Windas; ah wish they’d hurry up and fuck off so we kin go back tae being the third best team in glesga

Level 5 plant
6 years ago

RIP Mince, Caption. Kenny says that’s the new manager and he has brought his own team! Must be true bloody changing room is locked!

henkesdreadlocks
6 years ago

Caption……

Mr Murty, Mr Murty, some big men took oor baw and wilnae gee’z it back!!!

Brencelt
6 years ago

When they said that München were coming today, I thought they meant kris boyd was bringing packets of monster München

Monti
6 years ago
Reply to  Brencelt

🙂

Monti
6 years ago
Reply to  Brencelt

Taxi……

Monti
6 years ago
Reply to  Monti

It’s outwith my power

Mike Annis
6 years ago

Caption:What the hell’s that round thing they’re kicking?

ROB O'KEEFFE
6 years ago

Thank you Ralph for confirming my sourced story apropos the balls up at the first goal. Charge of the shite brigade,classic..

Wisnae me
6 years ago

Caption: Which wan d’ye reckon is the grass?

Danny Bhoy
6 years ago

Caption;
One Hun to another, ‘the new gaffer said he’d have us as close to European football as he can get us, is this as close as we get?’
Other Hun, ‘it is’

Monti
6 years ago

Caption: Robben to Hummels ” Stupid, stupid Huns”

charlie
6 years ago
Reply to  Monti

caption a wonder if theyr heer for the world class breakfast

Monti
6 years ago

Pic of Kenny Miller:
Rafinha to Hummels-” Mats, i thought you said it was cold in Scotland? Look at the tan on that cunt”

charlie
6 years ago

rip mince crackin quote ralph

Monti
6 years ago

Caption: Candeias to Windass -” So Arjen Robben just handed me a fiver & told me to go to the shop and buy some Irn Bru”

Windass – ” What did you do “?
Candeias – ” I gave him the fiver back and told him ” rangers ” don’t do paying”.

portpower
6 years ago

Caption:
When did we sign-up the sunloungers Josh?

SteveNaive
6 years ago

Monti can you let it go with Boyata.? It was a mistake, it happens and will happen again but you overlook the good things he does.

Monti
6 years ago
Reply to  SteveNaive

SteveNaive,
No i’ll not let my opinion on him ” go “.
It’s my honest opinion and i’ll not be changing it.
Sorry if that’s not fluffy enough for the prawn sandwich brigade.

As for not seeing the good he does, i suggest you look back previous threads and you’ll see me praise Boyata when it’s due.
Steve, it’s nothing personal with Boyata, i want him to play well for fuck sake, i just don’t trust him, i think he has that mistake in him & so it proved.

TicToc
6 years ago
Reply to  Monti

Absolutely spot on, Monti. Boyata HAS and WILL continue to cost us as will our ‘keeper. In my view Brendan has much to do with Craig’s failings but if they can’t sort it out at Lennoxtown then Craig has to be mooved on. Personally I’d give Dorus de Vries a run and then assess whether we need TWO new ‘keepers. I’ve already made it crystal clear that we neede to sort out our central defence. Simunovic is finished for me and I don’t want him in the Hoops any more than I want a fucking red poppy on our Hoops. Brendan has already made the decision on Erik and I agree with him. Nir Bitton may make a substitute central defender but not a 1st choice. Big Kris Ajer may well become a top CD, under the tutelage of big Kolo, but we DESPERATELY need a top class CB NOW.
HH

Monti
6 years ago
Reply to  TicToc

CORRECT!

Monti
6 years ago
Reply to  SteveNaive

Nut!

TicToc
6 years ago
Reply to  SteveNaive

Steve, you clearly cannot accept the evidence in front of you, weekly. (I think you maybe see it weakly)
Brendan, IMHO, is a top, top manager but he’s clearly not fucking infallible. He may, however, be stubborn.
I know what I see every week; I’m a very forgiving person, when forgiveness is warranted.
Brendan is currently trying to prove most of us wrong on some type of fucking ridiculous ego trip. In this case, it’s Brendan who’s wrong.
If my son/brother/whatever was playing for Celtic and exhibiting consistent mistakes, I’d pull them out of the team and get rid.
THAT is what it means to be Celtic.
HH

Cortes
6 years ago

“Thae bastards at Parkheid wi’ thur floodlights!”

Uralius
6 years ago
Reply to  Cortes

Would’ve never happened to Edgar Davids

charlie
6 years ago

a wee hun said to me this morning see that blue planet show it wis no bad but how much would it have cost the bbc tae get osomebody tae catch yon animals and stick poppies oan thum

Mattgallscot
6 years ago

What do you call that game that the Germans are playing?

Monti
6 years ago
Reply to  Mattgallscot

World domination?

TicToc
6 years ago
Reply to  Monti

Ha, that’s funny 🙂
HH

Cartvale88
6 years ago

Caption
We could tell them we won the wear and are the most successful team in the world.

They are after all stupid stupid Huns.

Cartvale88
6 years ago

Caption
We could tell them we won both world wars and are the most successful team in the world.

They are after all stupid stupid Huns.

McPhail
6 years ago

Ze showers ze are still vorking ?

CarlJungleBhoy
6 years ago

Caption (-ish): Queen Elizabeth University Hospital in Govan (known locally as The Suffer In General) has reported a sudden rise in admissions for Bayern Muenchen By Proxy Syndrome

TicToc
6 years ago

Hello Ralph, I haven’t read the Diary nor the comments so can’t comment.
Like yourself, I’ve been a long-time supporter of those poor unfortunates who find themselves homeless. My wife and I regularly donate clothing/footwear/toiletries etcetera and also give cash when we have it. Anyway, point is, I’ve spoken to our local homeless charity, and they are always excellent to deal with, with the intention of setting up a regular monthly donation. Christine, to whom I spoke with, was very nice and positive but didn’t know if/how to set up a recurring payment. Her boss is to ring me back on Tuesday.
Real point is, I’ve always felt that ETims should not be free due to the quality and consistency of its content. I’ve offered to pay before. I make contributions to the running of two other sites which I feel are deserving of it, Phil’s and JJ’s. Since, currently, there is no option to pay for ETims, my local contribution to help the homeless will be in ETims’ name.
It’s just another great day to be a Tim.
Another great day to be a Socialist/Communist.
Hail! Hail! the Glasgow CELTIC (FC not PLC).
COYBIG

Kris
6 years ago

“…Ah man he’s quality in FIFA 18….”

SteveNaive
6 years ago

CarlJungBhoy,

Quality caption,

TicToc
6 years ago

Fuck me, and I really didn’t want to re-visit this, but, if true, Craig Gordon exonerates himself of ALL responsibility?
What the fuck is that about? I speak to my brothers, in some depth, about every fucking game. I’ve been screaming for months, on here too, that Gordon is costly.
My view he’s finished.
De Vries had a real fucking howler when he was brought in vs Barca; that shit happens. He played ‘out of his skin’ vs Sunderland pre-season and another game too, which currently escapes me. Gordon now, like Efe is an accident waiting to happen………got to go, as do Simunovic, Erik and others.
HH

Rob O'Keeffe
6 years ago
Reply to  TicToc

TicToc,check yesterday’s posts.You are spot on about Teflon Don.Throws DB under the bus and has never taken the blame for any mistake.I can tell you categorically that this is causing unrest amongst certain players.De Vries made 3 exceptional saves in his last game that kept us unbeaten.His “distribution ” has even been pointed out as how not to do it by coaches of the younger Bhoys but don’t tell anyone.One of the dev squad told me he calls him Charlie cos he loves his lines,the one he only comes off of to try to decapitate opponents.Charge of the shite brigade……

Devoy45
6 years ago

at St. Johnstone 3-5-2
Gordon
Lustig/Boyata/Tierney
Forrest/Brown/Armstrong/McGregor/Sinclair
Dembele/Griffiths
the 3-5-2 would force Tommy Wright to think outside the box if that is possible and would force him to play football instead of parking the bus.
I think we will win easily and gain number 63 and a new British and Celtic record.
C’mon Brendan and the bhoys, C’mon the Celtic. Hail, hail…

Rob O'Keeffe
6 years ago

Good news,for Sevco and Motherwell.Jack’s appeal against Red upheld and Robinson’s possible 3 match ban overturned so he can be in the dugout for the annialation in the Final.Ain’t Scottish Football grand?….

Devoy45
6 years ago

My memory fails me. How many games have Griff and Dembele ever played together and has it ever worked? I think the classic big man/little man thing could prosper for us as it has in our past.
Sutton/Larsson. Hartson/Larsson. It does risk injury to two strikers with only Edourardo as backup. I think we need to try it more often to see if it works. We also need to see what Edouardo has.

Monti
6 years ago
Reply to  Devoy45

Devoy,
I don’t think Brendan wants to go with the two, of course he may do it now and again mate.
I think Celtic should set up 3-5-2 more often, however you really need three central defenders capable of playing this system.
Balde, Valgaeren & Mjallby was a good example.
HH

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