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Celtic Diary Sunday September 3 Mail In Desperate Attempt to Get Readers

Today is the anniversary of the entry into World War 2 of Britain and what was known as her empire.

It’s also the anniversary of the first issue of the Celtic Diary, six years ago today, which probably didn’t go on to have quite as much influence on world events, but was arguably funnier.

I was a little curious to see what that first ever attempt looked like, and it looks as though quality control got to it before I could..

Celtic Diary – Sept 3rd  

Oh what a beautiful morning, Oh what a beautiful day…

Sorry, this story no longer exists on ETims

 

But the first line sounds sort of optimistic, which makes me wonder what has happened to that cheerful soul who sat at a keyboard wondering if he could get away with pinching the best bits of the internet and moaning about , well, everything else.

That’s been kind of a theme to the Diary over the years, an underlying optimism-sometimes quite far underneath-tinged with perhaps a wee bit of cynicism and honesty.

Which are exactly the three components missed from this piece, which appeared in the once popular Sunday Mail this morning..

Celtic star Patrick Roberts has shown a lack of ambition by returning to Scotland – Gordon Parks

Parks himself, it could be argued, has also shown a lack of ambition by signing up to write for the piss poor Mail, but perhaps he’s waiting for that big move himself.

I’m not quite sure how he considers a move to a Champions League club a lack of ambition, as compared to say, languishing in Manchester City’s reserves, or moving to a lesser club elsewhere in Europe, but we’ll give him a chance to explain..perhaps this could be the moment a proper newspaper spots his talent and matches his ambition with a big money move to one of the fourth estates iconic titles…

The great Jackie Chan takes the credit for the truism: “Great success comes only with great ambition.” 

A truism ?

truism
ˈtruːɪz(ə)m/
noun
  1. a statement that is obviously true and says nothing new or interesting.

The statement isn’t actually a truism, as great success comes in a number of ways, and Jackie Chan wasn’t great.

He was quite funny in the Cannonball Run, but his acting talents were rather limited to hitting people who took it in turns to stand in front of him, and therefore was never considered for any serious acting work.

Wise words in a week when Patrick Roberts opted to chop another year off his career by re-signing on loan with Celtic

Did he say them this week ? About Patrick Roberts ? And is the word “chop ” an attempt at humour, given Chan’s penchant for the martial arts ?

Of course, the use of word “another ” implies that the poor lad has already wasted eighteen months at Celtic, where of course it could be said he has done rather well, and indeed got himself noticed by a number of possible suitors.

 

An inconvenient truth it may be but he has chosen to step back into his comfort zone rather than showing a belief he can push himself to a higher level. The mutual affection is one thing but how does this benefit a 20-year-old who should be desperate for new challenges? 

New challenges ? At a club where he is not even guaranteed a first team start ?

James Forrest will not relinquish his place easily, and the Scottish international has already scored crucial goals in this seasons European campaign.

Champions League games aside, the Englishman has sidestepped the prospect of going one on one with some of the best left-backs in Europe. The well established trend of talent flowing away from Scottish football has been bucked by Roberts and it raises a question mark. 

To support his own argument, Parks casually dismisses the champions League, which would have been a major factor in Roberts return. And this trend of players going away ?

Could that be down to the marketing of our game by people such as Park, who actually make a living from it ?

This next question sums up the contempt the author-and a number of his media colleagues-hold for the game that provides them with their livelihood…

But why turn down the chance to play a season in La Liga with Girona or head to France with Nice instead of plying his trade at Firhill, Dingwall and the plastic of Hamilton and Kilmarnock? 

One wonders how he, and his colleagues in the media would react if a player came out with remarks such as the one above….

Roberts has chosen the path that he feels will make him a better player. Those moves abroad will still be on offer when he’s a wee bit older, and they will come from bigger and better clubs than the one’s currently courting the player at this point in his career.

Of course, its only fair that Parks should offer Roberts the benefit of his wisdom, and maybe Roberts should listen to him, as the hack himself is a former professional, who , like Roberts , would have been faced with similar career choices throughout his playing days…

Promise me, dear reader, if I ever write anything so bitter and so hateful you’ll meet a stranger on a train and arrange to have me shot.

I’ll probably appreciate it.

So will everyone else, come to think of it.

 

Compare that to the musings of Alan Stubbs, who arguably played the game at a higher level than Parks, and probably hasn’t seen any Jackie Chan films…

Patrick Roberts has been a breath of fresh air at Celtic. He took some time to establish himself, but once he matured into the player everybody thought he was he hasn’t looked back.

Going to Celtic has done Patrick the world of good. We have seen good players go to the club over the years and not produce.

“But he is a young talent who has gone there and been absolutely fantastic. Patrick is a top-drawer footballer.

“Having a player like him in the Celtic side will make them competitive in the Champions League.

“It is a credit to Patrick he has produced in the big games and it takes a certain mentality to do so.

“He has a bright future and let’s not forget he turned down the chance to be an Under-20 World Cup winner with England to focus on helping Celtic win the treble last season.

“That gave you a little insight into the kind of person he is. 

He seems very level-headed and single-minded and he knows what he wants. It shows he is also getting advised very well.

“There are not many clubs Patrick can go to that can offer him Champions League football and the culture and environment he will get at Celtic.

“You cannot underestimate those factors and they largely explain why he decided to carry on his development as a player with Celtic.”

Unless you want to, because you’re feeling rather bitter this morning.

That btterness may have come from the realisation that Celtic are now on course to qualify for the World cup, despite having to snap up a few lower quality Scottish payers to make up the numbers…none of which are based at Ibrox…

 

On a lighter note, Brendan Rodgers took time out to visit his brother’s bar in his hometown of Carnlough this weekend…

Sadly, he didn’t buy a round because he felt that what was on offer didn’t fit the criteria he was looking for, and he couldn’t get an okay from Peter Lawwell as the CEO was away , and had turned his phone off.

The Scottish government appear to be stepping up their campaign to justify the ridiculous Offensive Behaviour at Football Act.

Last week, Celtic were said to be in favour of it, a claim subsequently denied by the club.

Today its leading academic Dr John Kelly who has moved to distance himself from claims made in his name..(From STV)

An academic has accused the Scottish Government of misrepresenting his views in a bid to boost support for keeping the Offensive Behaviour at Football Act.

Dr John Kelly has written a letter to Holyrood’s justice committee saying he is “dismayed” after reading the devolved administration’s submission to the body.

The committee is currently examining proposals from Labour MSP James Kelly to repeal and replace the law before the start of the 2018/19 football season.

Community safety minister Annabel Ewing included a quote from Dr Kelly as part of a list of people who supported “the legislation and its intentions” in 2011.

In the quote from 2011, Dr Kelly said he was “heartened” the word sectarianism was not part of the legislation.

In his letter to the committee, the academic said: “With regard to the recent justice committee evidence gathering relating to the Offensive Behaviour at Football and Threatening Communications (Repeal) (Scotland) Bill, I regret to note that the Scottish Government’s minister for community safety and legal affairs has selectively quoted me as offering ‘support for the legislation and its intentions’ when this was not the case.

 

“To be unequivocal, I do not and have never supported this legislation as it stands.”

He added: “I am dismayed that my words have been used out of context and selectively by the minister for community safety andlegal affairs to evidence academic support for the bill. 

Dr Kelly says the quote in question shows him only commenting on an “isolated” part of the legislation, not the then-proposed law as a whole.

A spokeswoman for the Scottish Government said: “The quotes in the Scottish Government’s submission highlight there was support for the principle of legislation to tackle unacceptable conduct at football in 2011.

“We fully recognise that some of those quoted do not support the legislation as it has been implemented – this is clearly stated in the submission to ensure that no-one’s current position is misrepresented.

“We welcome discussion with all stakeholders on how any concerns with the act can be addressed to ensure supporters continue to be protected from abusive and threatening behaviour.”

Other people quoted as supporting the legislation include the Celtic chief executive Peter Lawwell, who has repeatedly called for the act to be repealed since it was passed in 2011. 

After quoting the individuals, Ewing adds: “Whilst some of these individuals and organisations may not fully support how the legislation has been operating since it was introduced, it is clear that there was support for specific legislation to tackle the issue of offensive behaviour at football and therefore reviewing and, if required, amending the legislation would be a more sensible way forward than repeal.”

Labour MSP James Kelly said: “This underlines just how desperate the SNP has been to defend a poorly drafted piece of legislation that has been branded mince by judges and has broken down trust between fans and police.

“They should apologise to Dr Kelly and withdraw his quote from their evidence submission.” 

As usual, politicians cannot see what is in front of them, and refuse to admit they have made a mistake.

The legislation isn’t working, and when you have to edit quotes, or even make some up, to justify it, you’ve lost.

Give it up.

Try to regain some credibility and move on.

 

We’ve seen supporters arrested for singing, for shouting and for wearing t shirts..amd we hear social media site Twitter is under investigation for having an offensive address… as outlined in their recent terms and conditions statement..

I’m never sure where the line is between enjoying banter and causing offence…which is why I’m not going to make fun of the midget Inter City Rangers supporters group, who benefit mostly form a spirit of camraderie and half price train fares…

Yesterday we showed this picture

Tim Buffy September 2, 2017 at 11:24 am · Edit · Reply →

Haw, Fergus! Thae bastards in the hooses can see the gemme fur nuthin.
Ye’ll need tae dae sumthin aboot it.
A big stand wid be a guid idea.  

Today…

 

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Jez
6 years ago

Cation:-
‘New pictures reveal how Dave King & Mike Ashley really sorted out their issues’

Glad you brought up Parks article as this idiot needs outed both as a bigot & a shite journalist, I mean what kind of idiot rubbishes the game that pays his undeserved salary? Admittedly his emphasis is on rubbishing Celtic but by definition he includes the whole Scottish game. Scottish football attracting a player of Roberts standard should be cause for celebration not ridicule, likewise KT staying in the Scottish game should not be seen as a lack of ambition but a boost to our game.
I get the feeling that if Roberts had moved to Ibrokes the headline would have been more positive…but he didn’t so GIRUY Parks you useless sack of shite!

Monti
6 years ago

Happy Anniversary ETims and a big thanks to all who bring the Diary to us on a daily basis!!

HH

Devoy45
6 years ago

Caption: “Two well-known Etims disagree about the club’s chances in the CL.”
Caption: “The fight is about who I think stole and ate my pies.”
Caption: “Celtic’s two new central defenders come to blows…”
Caption: “Peter Crouch and Terry Hurlock come to blows…”
Caption: “Jack Sprat and his live-in partner quarrel over the leftovers…”
Caption: “Boxing authorities criticised for their weighing-in procedures…”
Captions: “Madison Square Garden? See him, he just ate Madison Square Garden!”

6 years ago

Caption.
Krankies revival?

Devoy45
6 years ago

I echo Monti. Congratulations on The Diary. We appreciate the hard work and admire the Editor’s resilience. It gives thousands a voice. Hail, hail…
6 years in a row!

Pat Higney
6 years ago

Great post again, Hoopy birthday to the site also.
I also noted this piece of “Journalism” and take heart in the fact that, if they have to write pish like this, they have no inkling of what’s happening inside Celtic park or Lennoxtown. It really must be a slow news day for Jabba’s minions when they come out with this drivel, still they have to keep our better educated lords and masters on the other side of the city fed with lashings of manure washed down with a fine vintage pish!

6 years ago

Yeah happy anniversary, 6iar

6 years ago

Caption
Monti’s two personalities finally meet and sort out their differences.

Monti
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie Saiz

” I’m a million different people from one day to the next, i can’t change my mold, no no no no no” – The Verve

6 years ago
Reply to  Monti

Top tune tho I doubt it’s gonny scoop the Caption Comp Monti 😉

https://youtu.be/1lyu1KKwC74

50 shades of Green
6 years ago

Ffs ref if I cant hit him below the belt I’ve na chance, says the Jim traynor.

Pat Higney
6 years ago

Caption: Sunday mail crack journo Gordon Parks comes up with an ingenious competition to see who really ate all the pies!

Una
6 years ago

12 goals in a career that lasted 15 years for parks, ffs brattbak hit the net more often.

6 years ago

Happy birthday to you
Though you write like yer on glue
The MSM by comparison are shit on your shoe
We’ve nowhere else to go so you’ll huv to do
We’re the Etims posse your crew
Half blootert half on the bru
That’s yer lot it’ll have to do
Happy birthday to you

PeteCon
6 years ago

Caption: “You’re a party political broadcaster Derek, you’re an embarrassment, you shouldn’t be on the radio.”

Level 5 plant
6 years ago

Caption. Ally McCoist loses weight to take on Peter Crouch in battle of Britain match!

6 years ago

Yeah I read that as well, there’s just these relentless condescending digs at Celtic by the record. If girona is a step up then fuck it . That wank Craig fowler isn’t any better, are there any Catholics writing for any of the papers ? You get the feeling these guys are writing ok things about Celtic b cause they have too but it’s always back handed. Thank god for Chris Sutton I think his contrarian style is a total backlash to the establishment and they’re love of rangers

6 years ago
Reply to  Iancelt67

The story almost always carries an underlying dig as far as Celtic goes.
We aren’t their target market the gullibillies are and always have been.
The Record stopped appearing in my house when they cunts parked that Hearse outside Parkheid.
A step too far for ma da.

6 years ago

Their

6 years ago

I don’t mind spiers at least he called his own team detestable

brianmac
6 years ago

Caption: Is it Simon & Garfunkel doin the Boxer ?

BJF
6 years ago

Caption” and finally at half time Chris Sutton and Ally McCoist will do a rerun of the Mayweather v McGregor bout.”

I don’t think we should worry too much about “Rangers men” slagging off Celtic because they aren’t really able to talk up the tribute act. However it is right we should highlight it in case some gullible souls think there are some professional journalists out there making rational points about Celtic.
Ralph destroys the ” argument” in a few paragraphs. Still Scots should reflect on the national, almost instinctive, jealousy of success, we even saw it from a few posters about the club over the last few days. Guys enjoy success, remember the 90s and don’t kid yourself that couldn’t happen again, then we would have a real media problem.

Brian
6 years ago

Caption comp.

Peter crouch and Paul Gascoigne fight over who gets to touch big Les Ferdinand’s cock first

5TB
6 years ago

Caption;

Lodge dance No 1690;

The fat bastards baw sack shoogle.

Note; it may be difficult to find a skinny lodge member. If not, use the ubiquitous goat.

Gaz H
6 years ago

Parks is a joke.cant win. If we don’t sign class we get slammed wen we do we get slammed. He’s a bitter hack with a backwards point.

6 years ago

Caption In tomorrow’s Daily Rangord
Ronny Deila Exclusive: “The day Mulgrew and Commons realised it was all over for them at Celtic”

mike
6 years ago

An anniversary Diary on a Sunday, how good is that!!! Wilny comment oan the bigoted shite, see what they made me swear. Bastards.

Celtic, Celtic, your the team for me!
You fill up my senses,
like wee Jamsie Forrest,
like Oliver Ntcham,
like a day at the park,
like winning the league,
like reaching the Champions League,
like humping the HUNS,
You fill up my sense, come fill me again.
Fuckin John Denver, canny stop singing his loony tunes!!

Monti
6 years ago
Reply to  mike

Pish

Rob O'Keeffe
6 years ago
Reply to  mike

Only one sense? non…..

Devoy45
6 years ago

Here’s to the Diary and Ralph
For us, he ignores his own self.
Six years is a hard slog
but he works like a dog
An unsung hero is the wonderful Malph.

Thanks mate. We’re grateful.

Mike. John Denver, how’s about Rocky Mountain High?
“Rocky Mountain peh, in Cupar Angus!”

mike
6 years ago
Reply to  Devoy45

😉

James PAYNE
6 years ago

Caption

Archive footage of Peter Latchford passing on goalkeeping tips to the young Pat Bonner emerges

“Make sure you get cloves like mine Packie son’

George Lazenbhoy
6 years ago

Chris Sutton discusses SPL with Alley Mccoist

Mike Bhoyle
6 years ago

First up…
Congratulations on your Anniversary…and a big thank you to the writers …who produce some terrific work.
Now the bad bit…
I don’t understand why Celtic people read stuff from Parks and his ilk…and I really don’t understand why Celtic people write about it.
The headline alone tells you all you need to know…Its anti-Celtic and its shite…so why bother.
He now has the much needed oxygen of publicity from bloggers and posters…so he’ll be as happy as a pig in shit.
Ignore the bastards…please.!!

Rob O'Keeffe
6 years ago
Reply to  Mike Bhoyle

Does any Celtic fan buy the Hunday Bile? Always see piles of them tied up on a Mon for return…..
P.S.Parks scored 200 goals in Europe,it was just in Scotland he struggled.This story comes to you from a Mr.P.Arks,Copeland Road,Sooside Sectarian “Stadium “…..

Mike Bhoyle
6 years ago
Reply to  Rob O'Keeffe

Rob…I’m talking about on-line reading and comments…
Not so much the bum wipe itself.
HH

Rob O'Keeffe
6 years ago
Reply to  Mike Bhoyle

I wouldn’t even give it a “hit” online ….

6 years ago
Reply to  Mike Bhoyle

I agree with the gist of this Mike though they give Ralph so much material it would be a travesty to look that particular gift horse in the gub?
All the words in the world won’t change hee haw when it comes to Celtic it is fairly apparent our Club does not give two fucks about what they think or say?

Water off a ducks back.
HH

Puggy67
6 years ago

Caption: Hen Broom vs Fat Bob. That’s a Sunday post.

Puggy67
6 years ago
Reply to  Puggy67

Broon. Decking predictive tents.

Mike Bhoyle
6 years ago

Samuel Pepys did write a Diary…
And so did Mrs. Dale…
And wee Anne Franks kept one as well…
So she could tell her tale…
And ‘though they’re very famous..
(You can buy them in the shops)
They don’t compare to the Celtic wan…
Aye…E-Tims…you’re the tops.

6 years ago
Reply to  Mike Bhoyle

Chapeau Mike 😉

Mike Bhoyle
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie Saiz

Muchas Gracias Charlie…
HH

Monti
6 years ago
Reply to  Mike Bhoyle

PISH

Mike Bhoyle
6 years ago
Reply to  Monti

Aye….
But Quality pish…

6 years ago
Reply to  Mike Bhoyle

It’s pished all over anything written in here for a while 😉

charlie
6 years ago
charlie
6 years ago
Reply to  charlie

the cheerful wan oan the right is john on a good day

charlie
6 years ago

caption lofty lighthouse punches fuck ooty gym trainer

Wisnae me
6 years ago

“the Englishman has sidestepped the prospect of going one on one with some of the best left-backs in Europe”

But he does get to train with one every single day. And (share) bunk (beds) with him every single night.

jimmyc
6 years ago

Peter Crouch and the zombies new Mexican centre forward have a square go..

portpower
6 years ago

Only the one.

Una
6 years ago

A bit of the old Tech House for doing the ironing lol.

https://soundcloud.com/foxxmusik/paul-foxx-jammed-to-the-spot

Monti
6 years ago
Reply to  Una

Una,
Have you heard the ‘Soaps’ greatest hits?

Playlist: Hollyoaks, Coronation street, Eastenders, Emmerdale and River City.

mike
6 years ago
Reply to  Monti

River shitty Mikey Likey, haw boab hiv yous cleaned yer room, naw maw ah hivny am oaf fur a bevvy, aye ok son bring us back a Kerry oot, aye ok maw.

portpower
6 years ago

Caixinha has purchased.

Fee-fi-fo-fum thum.

portpower
6 years ago

The lot of youse.

Cartvale88
6 years ago

Caption
Suttee challenges Pedro the donkey to a rematch

Six years of enjoyment, can’t thank Ralph enough for the time he spends putting it together. Mind you with wanks in the Daily Wanker, it must make it a lot easier.
I am surprised he did no criticise Declan’s move to the nation of the Zombies, from Cardiff City to them, that must be a backward step

portpower
6 years ago

Are you not a left footer or a sweeper keeper? I`m rabbiting,sorry.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVgI-9PW2qc

Don`t let the World scab,please.

portpower
6 years ago

HEADLINE:
Brendan just fell out of a pub,thou not on his own.
Where the fvck were youse.

sevco to invest in silk worms.

6 years ago

Caption
Chris “wham gloves”Graham and Big Hoose fight it out for Internet fanny of the year award in 2012

portpower
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie Saiz

A paragraph,Charlie.

Some say.

portpower
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie Saiz

2012 or 200?

History is when the question is is it it.

Well,there`s no changing it because it`s there for all to see.

Can you add?

6 years ago
Reply to  portpower

Nup… Read that 4 times noo and still fuckin clueless Port?

My answer would have to be 3.14159

Canny beat a bit of Pi on a weekend 😉

6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie Saiz

So geeza swatch of yer Algebra Miss Vorderman

portpower
6 years ago

Routine

6 years ago

Aw fur fucks fuck fuckity sake
Yet another International break
Raising the hopes of the Tartan Army
Mer BBC pish aboot Ingerlund so smarmy
We go from awful tae wurruld class
3 goals in wan game and we aw scream yasss
Except for John cause he’s a dour bas
Needs his nat king cole fae a willin lass
6 Celts in the side made it so
Orcs not impressed ye kin hear them crow
A team full of Timmy they didny go
Missed a good win a decent show
Roll on next week and back tae the Tic
Tata tae Scotland who get on my wick
Years of let’s downs mixed wi frustration
Coupled with selections fae the Zombie Nation
Have left me scunnerd and a wee bit cold
The passion now wilting as I get old
Roll on Friday the Tic are back
International fitba?
Ye kin stick it up yer crack Jack

portpower
6 years ago

you lucky bassas just near there.

Hunt them down,please.
Still no from them.

Cortes
6 years ago

Caption: “The Gallant Pie” and “Ears”.

portpower
6 years ago

1-11 on the pitch.

On the Day. If you`re injured let the coach know.

portpower
6 years ago

He`ll bugger up,i`m telling youse.

effin sweat shirts way logo`s.

There`s hell for youse no me.

portpower
6 years ago

Can Sinclair score 2 yards out? Eyes on the ball.

What`s the odds for highest goal scorer in there European gathering?

Celtic are deadly.

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