A chambermaid we know just happened to get her hands on a rather interesting journal….
Monday
Its usually warm-down day on a Monday but as Im currently “out of office” I need to find other ways to pass my time.
I check AloneAndBlueInGlesga.com website and see a choice variety of offerings to stimulate my senses. There is a reading of Aboriginal activist Stephen Hagans classic “One Mans Stand” on in town and while I could so relate, its best I stay away from the hundreds of autograph hunters. Fame’s a blessing not a curse, apparently!
I spot a delicious Gallery showing of Catholic “Persecution” Art from the Renaissance at the Museum of Religion but I dont fancy having to don the old hat and fake moustache even if it is near Halloween.
I decide to go to the Ladbrokes in Paisley Road West instead.
I win, naturally.
Tuesday
With such a busy footballing calendar, my ultra professionalism has my body springing out of bed at 7am ready for some peak time training in preparation for a high intense midweek game. Sadly, in these darkened times, I wont be playing or even training so I need to find alternative means of exercise.
I consider using the hotel gym but the selfie hunters, aka The Press, will just be out in force and Ive also ran out of travel size Head and Shoulders so I will be giving that a miss.
I could go jogging but the current issues with the club and Sports Direct over who owns the rights to this that and the other in respect to club badges and shirt sales etc, sadly means Ive now ran out of white terry towelling sports socks so thats a no go too.
I find a solution, of course, and decide to pull up my hood and head out to go take a walk, the long way round, to the Ladbrokes in Paisley Road West.
I win, naturally.
Wednesday
A restless night. I found myself on line arguing with every fool under the moon ( never the Sun, unless it helps wind Gary Lineker up of course). The Trolls were out in force, asking me inane questions such as “Are you happy taking wages for nowt?”, “Do you have an ounce of humility?” and “Can you even spell Respect?”. Suffice to say I sent them all packing with replies of 144 characters of pure asinine but despite my dismissals, deep down something hit me hard.
I awake to find myself contemplating life in the same way as many of my heroes, Socrates, Aristotle, Ken Dodd.
Could they be right?
Could they have a point?
Could I do more?
Could I be the bigger man and take that first step?
As I ask myself “Could I possibly be more humble?” whilst contemplating reconciliation, I realise that in lots of ways. I’m just like a modern day Mandela. Then I pause to correct myself that while he had a 6ft by 8ft bare stone room to help him focus and concentrate on his thoughts, I have a penthouse suite being cleaned by the maid and over 3.5 million Twitter followers causing me constant distraction.
I look up above and say “Think yourself lucky Nelson lad” as I head out to Ladbrokes for an early morning review.
I win, naturally.
Thursday
Its meeting day. I have to go to Ibrox and sit with the clubs representatives and discuss our current situation vis a vis a tete a tete. Sorry, but the old lingua franca in me just cant contain itself sometimes. My Agent calls round to go through some pre meeting discussions. He is concerned that I havent prepared correctly but I assure him all is in hand.
What he doesnt know is that I sat up during the night watching The Godfather and Im fully prepared for this showdown. In the car on the way to Ibrox, The Agent keeps going on about keeping cool and saying nothing, just like our highly paid Employment Lawyers have advised. I just keep saying “Is it there?” He keeps shaking his head and doesnt seem to understand. All i know is If i come out that Copland Road toilet with only a cannoli in my hand, it could be a disaster!
2 hours later, the meeting is over.
I win, naturally.
Friday
TGIF..I awake feeling fresh and excited.
Its strange that I always feel like that on pay day.
I log into my account (offshore or onshore…who’s counting eh?) and I smile when i see the latest The Rangers International Holding Holding Holding Holding Company Ltd deposit has been made. “Always better to be safe than sorry” as my old dad used to say, well it was more “better to be safe and hitting a dog with a van then reversing over it again to be sure” but you get my drift.
With money secured, I check the diary and amazingly its clear. Weirdly I dont seem to have any book signings so i make a note to contact my literary agent after i decide on what to do.
Should I take in some art?
Should I begin work on Book number 2?
Should I go play some golf?
Should I try and complete PokeMon Go?
Should I head out to the Gulf States and work on my fitness?
Should I call the Oxford Union and ask if they want me to do a debate anytime soon?
I just cant decide, so I call my mates Adrian and Alan at Talksport and ask for their advice.
2 hours later, I’m in Ladbrokes again.
I win, naturally.
“Asanine”??
Someone’s been listening to Ed Reardon…
You know how poor Joey loves to try ( and fail) with his clever patter, see langua franca too 🙂
Thanks Desi – Comedy Gold!
On monday i wake up,freezing as always,
i have to skip breakfast,there is nothing to eat,
i scrounge of my friends,they give me some coffee,
i dont need to dress,as i sleep in my clothes,
i walk around aimlessly and meet one of the charity girls,
she takes pity on me and gives me something to eat,
i cannot thank her enough,sh is an angel,
i meet my friends,we get a ball and play football,
it last a couple of hours,its great to have some fun.
it helps to take my mind of my family,far,far away,
god i miss them so much,
my dreams are in tatters,they are bulldozing the camp,
i dream only of helping my family,sending some money home,
will i ever reach the land of riches,Engeland?
i hope and pray that someday,i will get there,
find a job,maybe meet a girl and settle down,
oh how lucky they are,the guys that make it there,
i read a book,a thriller,it helps pass the time,
all i dream of is getting to England,
will it happen tommorow?
“Future Tims of Calais”…bravo that man
Refugees welcome. Hail Hail
Hail Hail.
Many of us are descended from refugees and not that long ago. In Scotland, many of us (I hope all of us)will not tell you to go back where you came from. People try that on us and we won’t dignify that. Refugees, come up to Scotland. We will make you welcome and will somehow feed, clothe and house you. By the way, our political will was not to bomb Syria because we know who suffers most from aerial bombing. Many of our Westminster politicians have no compassion.
Mike your heart is as big as the Tay Bridge!
Devoy, There IS only one Devoy.
It would need to grow some before it matches yours,Devoy.H.H.
This land is your land…
Every single person who lives on this Island
Is the seed of a migrant who left their past homeland
The birthplace of mankind started in Ethiopia
From that place they searched for Utopia
Over land and seas they cam in their droves
Looking to put roots down on shores and in coves
Way back in time before Nations and borders
Before men made us slaves and started giving orders
The tribes of man spread both far and wide
Traveling in groups hunting side by side
They built themselves boats and mastered the sea
In an effort to build homes to live healthy and free
In order to raise children ,livestock and crops
We made homes on the shores and rugged hill tops
All the while numbers grew then started drawing lines
Started taxation and opening up mines
Steadily Societies grew both wealthy and strong
Rules were drawn up as to what’s right and what’s wrong
Gods were procured to explain these transitions
Before too long became folklore and traditions
Then came the kings who carved up the land
Taking the lot they had it all planned
No longer a place safe for new faces you see
For the abused and the bullied who just want to be free
We are a Nation of migrants who need to understand
We are mere short term custodians of this ancient land
So let’s welcome these migrants let them all find
A Nation born of migration that is open and kind
.
Failing that fuck off back to where YOU came from.
Desi I do wonder how you’ve all this time on your hands but thanks for the laughs. Colleagues askin me if I’m on Tinder to lassies wearin that stupid smile on my face and I’m having to tell them ‘Naw I’m reading Etims!’