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Celtic Diary Monday October 17: Where The Waters Run Free…

Social media and a few forums last night hinted at the possibility of another scandal on the other side of the river.

Just heard about a possible fraud . Concerns a football club fairly new to the scene and a unique way of dealing with utility bills… 

We decided to contact Scotland’s top investigative journalist, but there isn’t one, so we had to do a bit of digging ourselves, which is ironic really….

At Etims, we don’t usually go in for the sort of tittle tattle that others may thrive on, preferring instead to make stuff up which can allow the imagination to run riot, and envisage scenarios which are truly delightful. However, as they say, truth can be stranger than fiction, if indeed there’s any truth in what follows, especially as the guy who told us had a somewhat pungent aroma which suggests he is not fully in control of his bowels, and he may well have taken a refreshment or two.

Image result for drunk man images

However, while he was the right way up-which wasn’t for long-he told us a story, a tale which I cannot verify the veracity of, but as adults I’m sure you can make your own mind up.

In Scotland, the water is supplied to homes and businesses by Scottish Water, a monopoly, and you simply cannot get it from anywhere else. Water, of course, is lifes most basic need, so we can safely assume everyone uses it, and everyone gets theirs from Scottish Water.

Oddly enough, if a home or business is not receiving a bill from Scottish Water, the company has no legal right to determine where they get their water from, or if they are somehow cheating the system and stealing it. This compares with electricity companies, who can actually pop round if you have solar panels, which lead to a huge drop in bills, to make sure you have solar panels, as opposed to a meter that runs backwards, or one of those little magnet things that slow it down.

“rangers ” , apparently, have not received a water bill for around two years, and no one has looked into the reason for this. Well, they can’t, and I guess there’s nothing wrong with not paying a bill if you don;t get one, although any responsible business would surely look to find out why, and thus avoid being stung with an unpayable bill further down the line.

About three months ago, there was a burst pipe down that way, and while they were fixing it, there are claims that an illegal  pipe leading from a nearby church to the Ibrox superstore and stadium.

So the drunk says, anyway, and it does seem a little hard to believe.

I mean, surely a man with a shovel would be noticeable if he was laying a bloody great pipe as well.

Not if it was laid at the same time the Ibrox superstore was built, he claims, and he went on to say that the club had been siphoning off the water that is supplied to the church, as they get there’s free, and thats why the new club hadn’t been billed.

Since this discovery, the water people have sent the real peepil an estimated bill, which is believed to be roughly equivalent to that of a similar sized stadium in the city, around £95,000 a month. Churches get their water free, so it might be difficult, although surely not impossible, to see if their usuage has suddenly increased. This also means that unlike some companies, who have arrangements to share a supply, they cannot enter into such an agreement with anyone,

£95,000 a month seems a lot to me, but when you take into account the undersoil heating, the sprinkler system and the showers-alright, maybe not the showers, for obvious reasons-there might be something in it.

And of course, estimated bills are usually a lot higher than the real bill, as companies like to frighten you into negotiation, and allowing them to check the usage.

It appears that the water company has sent this bill, as well as demanding a surety against future bills, which , in the finest traditions of the old Rangers, has been ignored.

The water people have set a date, that by which, if they have not been paid, they will terminate the supply within twenty four hours, and indeed, have promised to go to the press when this date arrives.

The club have pleaded their ignorance to the pipeline, and its entirely possible whoever built the shop made an arse of the plans, so we have to give them the benefit of the doubt, even though it appears that no one at Ibrox noticed they weren’t paying, or getting, a water bill.

Surely there is one man responsible for making sure the bills are paid on time in that place ? But then again, they do like their traditions over there, and since they seem determined to pretend they are the same club, it cannot be much of a surprise that they behave towards creditors in the same way.

The council are allegedly aware of all this, and aren’t very happy about it. If the water is cut off, then both the stadium and the shop will have to be closed.

As far as the club is concerned, it appears they are resorting to the default position-not the one accusing everyone of child abuse- but the one where they say its in the hands of their lawyers.

Last night there were spurious claims that the water had already been turned off, though that doesn’t fit in with the Water company’s threat to go public with the information, so we will just have to wait and see.

If the amount mentioned is correct, and the club have known about this for some time, they would surely be trying to juggle the books around to try and find a couple of million from somewhere…

Image result for joey barton rangers

but then again, it could all just be nonsense, and another attack by all those bigots and haters who just want to see “rangers ” punished.

Then again, it might not be.

You can make your own mind up.

Whatever way you look at it, its quite funny, and you have to give credit to whoever made it up, if, of course, it is made up.

Which it surely must be.

No one could be as stupid as to not pay the water bill and not expect to get found out.

Much more importantly, I bought a fridge magnet from the Celtic shop on Argyle Street the other day, and the bloody thing won’t stick to the magnets, and it keeps falling off.

Is everything Celtic sell just tat ? First it was the strips, now its the fridge magnets.

From now on, I’m buying all my merchandise from dodgy dealers at market stalls. At least you know they’ll be crap.

In other news, Alex Rae has been appointed Scotland under 19 coach, which means that we can forget about the Qatar world cup in 2022, as well as the Russian one in 2018. I’d list his achievements, but there aren’t any.

 

 

With the rumour about the water taking up the bulk of todays rubbish, we’ll let this rather appropriate caption from yesterday run for another twenty four hours…

And not this one, which I figured was kind of apt…

Image result for del boy peckham spring water

 

 

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D’Fhinnein Mick
7 years ago

Interesting stuff,Ralph.

I think the huns can kill two birds with one stone here.

Remove the dodgy roofs from the stadium and collect rainwater. Launch a Bring-a-Basin For The Bears campaign.

They can also divert the urinals into the Bovril supply,another saving.

Maybe even collect all Warbo’s tears shed due to the lack of respect shown to him by those nasty TV people. And that ref in the Aberdeen game.

You have to think outside the box when yer up against it.

Lenny Bruce
7 years ago

Are the Scottish Water stories the result of a leak?

…..coughs quietly…..

Anyway

This is a massive week for us, can feel the excitement building already. Can sense a wee bit of overconfidence in the support about Wednesday, which won’t be replicated in the team in any way!

BMG are a very good side, despite the daft name. It will be another nerve shredder inside the Cathederal of Football that is Celtic Park.

TonyB
7 years ago

All day I faced the barren waste

Without a taste of water

Maybe the sevs can form a bucket brigade to haul the H2O up fae The Clyde

Can this saga GET any funnier?

FPMSL!

jpm 88
7 years ago
Reply to  TonyB

🙂

Dziekanowski's nightclub child
7 years ago

From business cost consultants website, but I don’t know when it’s from, So might well be made up pish.

Situation:

Shortly after Business Cost Consultants were engaged as the utility consultants for one of Scotland’s leading football clubs, Rangers FC mentioned that they were having issues with water pressure and flow on match days.

Solution:

Business Cost Consultants sent in an outsourced water specialist to investigate the water systems and identify the source of the problems. As well as working closely with the on-site facilities team, BCC’s experts installed data loggers on to the water meters to monitor the consumption and flow on a 24/7 basis. The detailed survey and the information from the loggers helped the team identify several issues, which were quickly resolved.

As a result of the data logging, BCC identified that the consumption was higher than expected and there were some inefficiencies in how the water was being used. The client was presented with a full report, detailing the findings and recommendations. The high quality information in the report assisted the Facilities Manager to make better informed decisions.

Result:

As a result of the advice from BCC’s water specialists, the water consumption at Ibrox stadium was reduced by more than 65% and water pressure problems were eliminated. Rangers Football Club will continue to benefit from the financial savings (over £100,000 per annum), as a result of reduced water consumption and waste water charges, long into the future. BCC believe that further water savings are possible and will be working closely with Rangers FC on a rainwater harvesting project.

Business Cost Consultants will also be focusing on reducing the inefficiencies in energy consumption at Rangers Football Club.

“By accurately monitoring our usages Business Cost Consultants were able to recommend quantifiable cost savings with respect to all utilities with the largest saving to date, centering around our water costs. Due to match day demands we traditionally suffered from water shortages through the course of an event. With the help of Business Cost Consultants this is no longer an issue and perhaps more importantly the ongoing yearly savings associated with these works far outweigh all capital expenditure.”

Ross Macaskill, Facilities Manager

Jim
7 years ago

So assuming that their consultants posted figures that were accurate in a ball-park sort of way, if 65% of the old bill was £100k, that makes the original bill before that somewhere around £155-160k a year or 12-14k a month

Level 5 plant
7 years ago

You couldn’t make this up! Hope it’s true! If it isn’t thanks Ralph anyway for making a Monday morning easier. Bear spring water anyone?

Bognorbhoy
7 years ago

Caption .. down ibrox…stadium manager…

F.F.S. Sammy how is that gettin rid of evidence….

Hector
7 years ago

Rangers cancel Joey Bartons plumbing leave as things are not working out.

TonyB
7 years ago

Caption. As water board inspectors descend on the Crumbledome the sevs try to get rid of the evidence.

Boyne Bhoy
7 years ago

Expecting a statement imminently turning water story into whine.

Brencelt
7 years ago

This song is a particular favourite of mine. A lament to oppresssion and to occupation. I think it may resonate with the new club/holding company/tribute act.
HH Brencelt

logo Artists · Lyrics · New Stuff · Popular

Only Our Rivers Run Free
Michael McConnell
When apples still grow in November
When Blossoms still bloom from each tree
When leaves are still green in December
It’s then that our land will be free
I wander her hills and her valleys
And still through my sorrow I see
A land that has never known freedom
And only her rivers run free

I drink to the death of her manhood
Those men who’d rather have died
Than to live in the cold chains of bondage
To bring back their rights were denied
Oh where are you now when we need you
What burns where the flame used to be
Are ye gone like the snows of last winter
And will only our rivers run free?

How sweet is life but we’re crying
How mellow the wine but it’s dry
How fragrant the rose but it’s dying
How gentle the breeze but it sighs
What good is in youth when it’s aging
What joy is in eyes that can’t see
When there’s sorrow in sunshine and flowers
And still only our rivers run free

heltraq
7 years ago
Reply to  Brencelt

Mines too been humming it all morning

jpm 88
7 years ago
Reply to  Brencelt

Brencelt,

great song , particularly Kathleen Largey version .

Brencelt
7 years ago
Reply to  jpm 88

Yes jpm88 that is a great version as seen below courtesy of Jimmybee. Kathleen has a haunting quality tone in her voice. Great music and lyrics can paint one powerful picture and can sometimes lift the spirits of the downtrodden. Now I gotta listen to Only Our Rivers Run Free. I might have to wipe some dust out of my eye while listening. That dust has a lot to answer for. Off out now to train the young lads football team.
HH to all

Devoy45
7 years ago

Brencelt, thanks for those lyrics. One of the all time greats. A friend of mine sings this and it brings tears to my eyes every time. I’m singing it to myself right now. Cheers, man.

Brencelt
7 years ago
Reply to  Devoy45

You’re welcome Devoy45. That song has brought a tear to many an eye. Lovely lyrics CSC

jimmybee
7 years ago
Reply to  Brencelt

Kathleen Largey still the best version ever. HH

jimmybee
7 years ago
Reply to  jimmybee
Brencelt
7 years ago
Reply to  jimmybee

That would raise the hair on the back of any bhoys neck. Good one Jimmybee

Thewildgoose
7 years ago
Reply to  jimmybee

Better than Christy Moores?

jimmybee
7 years ago
Reply to  Thewildgoose

Christy is wonderful m8 here’s one for you.
https://youtu.be/IfONiJsmDgQ

San Miguel
7 years ago

Level 5 issue photographic proof that liquidity is no problem for Sevco.

7 years ago

Caption: Them’s have been “fun’ oot” about blagging the leccy (allegedly), and being unable to heat the PR office to an ambient room temperature, hence the steam coming oot of Jabba’s ears are condensing on the cold office walls. This explains why Pizza Huts’s cousin Jabba The went ballistic at Mark Benstead for asking about Joseph Anthony on several occasions.

Big Shuggy
7 years ago

According to the Herald,Celtc are now paying all employees the living wage. Excellent news

jimmybee
7 years ago

Ohhhh how I hope it was a Catholic Church they were syphoning the water from allegedly.You were drinking holy water out the taps, you were drinking holy water out the taps,you were drinking holy water,ya durty Orange fucker you were drinking holy water out the cups. I’m no a Billy I’m a Tim thank fuck!

tom o'neill
7 years ago

Nothing is impossible.
A few years ago, my then gas supplier mistook a water mains for a gas pipe and flooded the whole street.
And that is a true bill.

Tubbytubthumper
7 years ago

In Scotland isn’t the “Water rates” not built into the Council Tax/Rates to local authorities – or is this on a LA by LA basis?

The Charlie Saiz International
7 years ago

How else were we supposed to get a floating pitch?

BroxburnBhoy
7 years ago

Yes I see the club has moved to pay the living wage. That is good news. I hope we also require any subcontractors that work at celtic park through third party employment agencies hired by bidding to be paying the living wage too. I feel this is the right thing to do and with recent success on the field, being in CL and having full houses again it is entirely affordable. The water story at Ibrox is precious – ‘maybe the only liquid assets they have could be pockled.

McLapdog
7 years ago

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OYtpU5b2ALk

Bomber Brown addressing ‘The Peepul’ 😉

charlie
7 years ago

caption theyl be pissin oot their windaes cause theyv nae flush theyl be pissin oot there windaes cause theyv nae flush -theyl be pissin oot there windaes -pissin oot their windaes pissin oot their windas cause theyv nae flush ………………….please let it be true

charlie
7 years ago
Reply to  charlie

oops sorry jimmybee never seen yours before a posted by the way yours is better ha ha

TonyB
7 years ago

Prepare for the Waterboutery coming out of Level 5 soon.

selkirk casual
7 years ago

caption .. Sevco tell susan boyle to piss off out of ibrox so she does literally !!!

Cortes
7 years ago

Very funny. Thanks for the happy news.

Checked on the interweb map. There’s a couple of businesses around the “megastore ” which presumably use lots of water. Copeland Laundrette and Deep Cleaning but i didn’t see a church. Maybe it’s one of those wee Randy Rev the Ref twelve old dears in need of a shag congregations The Peepel specialise in.

Elcormaco
7 years ago

It can’t be true! I mean, it just can’t be true. Can it?

joe
7 years ago

i think they sussed it when that fat bastard jim traynor joined the staff and there wasn’t a spike in the water usage can you imagine who much water is needed to keep the flies of him hail hail

Hugh67
7 years ago

Thanks Ralph for a cheery wee story to start the week. I remember the first Watergate, but this is a lot more fun.

However, a massive game on Wednesday and I think we have a real chance to win it! Everything seems possible since Brendan arrived.

Caption : trouble at Crumbledome when church vicar causes a blockage after a dodgy curry.

Rebus67
7 years ago

I see strong rumours that Alex Rae is being sought as the new coach for Scotland’s under 19s. Is there no limit to thecSFA’s ability to pursue the mediocre? Mr Rae’s win percent as a manager never gets out of the low 40 percents. He was sack after about one year in his last job with ST Mirren. Surely somewhere in the world of football, the SFA can find an experienced, successful coach to bring on our young players!

I wish Alex every success and hope that he makes me eat my words, however I expect more early exits from competitions as our FA strives to maintain below average achievements.

Time for change,

Rebus

jimmybee
7 years ago

The sfa is proven to be not fit for purpose. Alex Rae ffs it’s a joke.

Monti
7 years ago
Reply to  jimmybee

Jimmybee,
Can you imagine Rae giving kids a team talk? He spends most of his time spitting on the ground.
A disgusting man!

jimmybee
7 years ago
Reply to  Monti

Agreed m8, but he is one of their own. What else do we expect from the knuckle draggers.

jimmybee
7 years ago

Caption: After Big Chris pulled the plug out in Manchester, he leaves it in, in Govan.

jimmybee
7 years ago

My fav Kathleen Largey song.
https://youtu.be/zRcL-owxe9I

Cortes
7 years ago

At least when Administration comes they’ll be sure to avoid a dry docking.

degsy
7 years ago

magnets don’t stick to other magnets. the repel each other.
so they are working fine.

estimated bills aren’t to force you into negotiating. they are based on whatever readings they are holding, which could all be crap estimates, if they’ve never had access. its a case of getting a bill out so they can start the collecting process.
plus, SW cant reveal customer account information to the press. its against the data protection act, and would find themselves being sued for more than they are owed.
they have debt procedures, that will ultimately end on court, but that whole thing will take months.

its not illegal to not chase a bill that hasn’t been issued, but when they eventually catch up with you, you are liable for the bill. domestic supplies are covered by the statute of limitations, but large businesses are not.

my friend (a hun) works at ibrokes and told me the roofs are leaking, and into a cupboard containing the main electrics or something to that effect.

Uralius
7 years ago

Caption: Traynor and Magic Twat get carried away water-boarding the SMSM, the SFA hierarchy & referees and the Scottish Water CEO.

Marty
7 years ago

No way it costs £95,000 a month for water. We dont live in vegas – our pitch must need drained more days than it needs watered. Also id assume undersoil heating is the same as central heating, ie a closed system that doesnt need vast amounts of water pumped in. While I’d believe the huns aren’t paying bills, I cant see £2m on water being one of them.

jimmybee
7 years ago

Four green fields sung by the Angel of the republican movement Kathleen.
https://youtu.be/3TuEkwktb9E

Rebus67
7 years ago

Further reflection on the SFA’s handling of the national teams:

If the SFA are looking for inspiration, they could do worse than look at the Irish FA. They had a period of abject fairure to qualify for tournaments from 2003-7 under such coaches as Brian Kerr. They brought in an experienced continental coach, Trappatoni who quickly put them on the map as a competitive nation. This made the job attractive to his successor, MON, and more success followed. Why can the SFA not see that the current system of hiring Scottish managers does not work. Hire one, wait until he fails after a couple of decent results ithen followed by a procession of poor results. Fire him, hire another from the same mould and follow the usual pattern. What is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing and expecting different results.

I have a lot of respect for WGS…always will have……but he is not the answer for the national team. Something totally different needs to be tried immediately. I think the WC qualification has already failed, so let’s use the games to put someone different in place that will bring something totally different from those who have little experience outside the UK. Please no Bertie Vogts need apply. Get an Italian in who knows how to build a defence.

Time to change,

Rebus

jimmybee
7 years ago
Reply to  Rebus67

Rebus, the managers past and present are to blame for Scotlands demise.
The failure by wgs to select Leigh Griffiths was criminal.
Like his predecessors before him,if your a Celtic player, you are more likely to be a sub than play.
Jimmy McGrory Britains all time goal scoring record holder under 10 caps ffs.
The Lisbon lions not enough caps given to britains greatest football club side,Joe Craig scored with a header as a sub,one and only cap.
Many many more instances of Celtic players not been given the caps they deserved. It’s a fuckin joke. McGrain to left back to let Jardine play at right back.
Against Zaire in the World Cup,the game was crying out for jinky to come on,we needed goals, no he was left on the bench.
I’m sorry but like Celtic under Delia, it is the manager to blame for the failures of the national team. If he had played Griff, he would have beaten Lithuania at least.
But he has it in his head he wants a plus six footer to be the main striker.
Bollocks, good job he isn’t the manager of Spain eh or Barca.
He should be sacked.

mike
7 years ago

I propose a DNA sperm bank,from past legends of the Tic.can you imagine——————–.

Fill in as appropriate.

mike
7 years ago

And Scotland kicks of against Germany, Look at him,who,the tall dark heided yin,OMG who is that prick,OMG its the spittin image of Beckenbaur,watch your pockets jock,aye ok.
Germany score its Muller Lite, common Tam get a grip,sorry bhoys a was pished last night,wake up then,aye ok Billy,
And he is away on another mazy run,ffs Jinky pass the fookin ba. wait a minute the wee bassa GOAL well done Jinky a great solo goal.
The ball breaks to Murdoch who picks out a pass for Bertie,wooft. foul Bertie ye went over the top,aye ok.Wait a minute,Bobby Lennox whit a turn of pace,beats two German passes to Dalgleish,he shoots he scores,ya beuty “-! to Scotland,game over,serves yez right who was it that started WW1 and2.The End.

jimmybee
7 years ago

Trigger tells the sevco story well here.
https://youtu.be/HisD_pqlRHQ

Cortes
7 years ago

You may forward my prize to

Guy O’gibson.n&&&&.com

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xKQHVdgCeXo

mike
7 years ago
Reply to  Cortes

Da Da Da, Da Da Da Da,

Da, Da, Da Da Da Da,

Da,Da Da Da Da Da———-Bombs Away.

Germany Calling, Germany Calling BOOMmmmmmmmmm.

mike
7 years ago

Brendan i am ready for Wednesday,shorts ironed,boots polished,socks cleaned and my Sevilla top taken to chapel and sprinkled with Holy Water.
Just gie me a chance.I am here if needed.

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