Celtic Diary Monday October 17: Where The Waters Run Free...

Celtic Diary Monday October 17: Where The Waters Run Free…

Social media and a few forums last night hinted at the possibility of another scandal on the other side of the river.

Just heard about a possible fraud . Concerns a football club fairly new to the scene and a unique way of dealing with utility bills… 

We decided to contact Scotland’s top investigative journalist, but there isn’t one, so we had to do a bit of digging ourselves, which is ironic really….

At Etims, we don’t usually go in for the sort of tittle tattle that others may thrive on, preferring instead to make stuff up which can allow the imagination to run riot, and envisage scenarios which are truly delightful. However, as they say, truth can be stranger than fiction, if indeed there’s any truth in what follows, especially as the guy who told us had a somewhat pungent aroma which suggests he is not fully in control of his bowels, and he may well have taken a refreshment or two.

Image result for drunk man images

However, while he was the right way up-which wasn’t for long-he told us a story, a tale which I cannot verify the veracity of, but as adults I’m sure you can make your own mind up.

In Scotland, the water is supplied to homes and businesses by Scottish Water, a monopoly, and you simply cannot get it from anywhere else. Water, of course, is lifes most basic need, so we can safely assume everyone uses it, and everyone gets theirs from Scottish Water.

Oddly enough, if a home or business is not receiving a bill from Scottish Water, the company has no legal right to determine where they get their water from, or if they are somehow cheating the system and stealing it. This compares with electricity companies, who can actually pop round if you have solar panels, which lead to a huge drop in bills, to make sure you have solar panels, as opposed to a meter that runs backwards, or one of those little magnet things that slow it down.

“rangers ” , apparently, have not received a water bill for around two years, and no one has looked into the reason for this. Well, they can’t, and I guess there’s nothing wrong with not paying a bill if you don;t get one, although any responsible business would surely look to find out why, and thus avoid being stung with an unpayable bill further down the line.

About three months ago, there was a burst pipe down that way, and while they were fixing it, there are claims that an illegal  pipe leading from a nearby church to the Ibrox superstore and stadium.

So the drunk says, anyway, and it does seem a little hard to believe.

I mean, surely a man with a shovel would be noticeable if he was laying a bloody great pipe as well.

Not if it was laid at the same time the Ibrox superstore was built, he claims, and he went on to say that the club had been siphoning off the water that is supplied to the church, as they get there’s free, and thats why the new club hadn’t been billed.

Since this discovery, the water people have sent the real peepil an estimated bill, which is believed to be roughly equivalent to that of a similar sized stadium in the city, around £95,000 a month. Churches get their water free, so it might be difficult, although surely not impossible, to see if their usuage has suddenly increased. This also means that unlike some companies, who have arrangements to share a supply, they cannot enter into such an agreement with anyone,

£95,000 a month seems a lot to me, but when you take into account the undersoil heating, the sprinkler system and the showers-alright, maybe not the showers, for obvious reasons-there might be something in it.

And of course, estimated bills are usually a lot higher than the real bill, as companies like to frighten you into negotiation, and allowing them to check the usage.

It appears that the water company has sent this bill, as well as demanding a surety against future bills, which , in the finest traditions of the old Rangers, has been ignored.

The water people have set a date, that by which, if they have not been paid, they will terminate the supply within twenty four hours, and indeed, have promised to go to the press when this date arrives.

The club have pleaded their ignorance to the pipeline, and its entirely possible whoever built the shop made an arse of the plans, so we have to give them the benefit of the doubt, even though it appears that no one at Ibrox noticed they weren’t paying, or getting, a water bill.

Surely there is one man responsible for making sure the bills are paid on time in that place ? But then again, they do like their traditions over there, and since they seem determined to pretend they are the same club, it cannot be much of a surprise that they behave towards creditors in the same way.

The council are allegedly aware of all this, and aren’t very happy about it. If the water is cut off, then both the stadium and the shop will have to be closed.

As far as the club is concerned, it appears they are resorting to the default position-not the one accusing everyone of child abuse- but the one where they say its in the hands of their lawyers.

Last night there were spurious claims that the water had already been turned off, though that doesn’t fit in with the Water company’s threat to go public with the information, so we will just have to wait and see.

If the amount mentioned is correct, and the club have known about this for some time, they would surely be trying to juggle the books around to try and find a couple of million from somewhere…

Image result for joey barton rangers

but then again, it could all just be nonsense, and another attack by all those bigots and haters who just want to see “rangers ” punished.

Then again, it might not be.

You can make your own mind up.

Whatever way you look at it, its quite funny, and you have to give credit to whoever made it up, if, of course, it is made up.

Which it surely must be.

No one could be as stupid as to not pay the water bill and not expect to get found out.

Much more importantly, I bought a fridge magnet from the Celtic shop on Argyle Street the other day, and the bloody thing won’t stick to the magnets, and it keeps falling off.

Is everything Celtic sell just tat ? First it was the strips, now its the fridge magnets.

From now on, I’m buying all my merchandise from dodgy dealers at market stalls. At least you know they’ll be crap.

In other news, Alex Rae has been appointed Scotland under 19 coach, which means that we can forget about the Qatar world cup in 2022, as well as the Russian one in 2018. I’d list his achievements, but there aren’t any.



With the rumour about the water taking up the bulk of todays rubbish, we’ll let this rather appropriate caption from yesterday run for another twenty four hours…

And not this one, which I figured was kind of apt…

Image result for del boy peckham spring water